Is it normal for my sex life to feel different after baby?

Real Mom Problem

“When we had our first daughter (now 3), having sex wasn't so bad. We could put her in her crib while she slept and we had a free moment. Now with our second (nearly 9 weeks), AND an older child, having sex is harder to get done. While I don't have much of a sex drive, I do miss my husband and the closeness we used to have when we had sex.”

by robibuni robibuni

Quick Tips

  • 1. Don't be surprised if your sex life feels different after baby. Give your body time to heal and your relationship time to adjust to your growing family
  • 2. Try little things to make yourself feel sexy again, like new lingerie, a fun haircut, or a manicure
  • 3. Take advantage of the time when your baby is sleeping to connect with your partner
  • 4. If possible, hire a babysitter for a few hours to give you and your partner alone time
  • 5. If you experience pain during sex, be sure to discuss it with your doctor

Real Mom Solutions

Are you struggling to maintain an active sex life after baby? The moms of CafeMom have suggestions for bringing your mojo back and reestablishing your close relationship with your partner.

Bring Sexy Back

  • Bknotnobody

    Sleep naked together, send flirtatious texts to one another during the day, and put the kiddo down earlier.

  • kirstina

    Your mojo will come back. It may take a little while but try. Maybe go out and buy a new sexy nightie. Or if you can get a sitter for the night do it, then turn your room into a romantic getaway. My hubby is the least romantic man in the world. I had no mojo after having my third. She is six months and doing this has helped me.

  • Turtledoves

    Have you tried other things? Making yourself feel sexy again (hair cut, long baths, nice nails?), different and new positions, different places in the house (I heard somewhere that stair sex is amazing, our stairs wouldn't work for it though!), lingerie, toys?

Steal a Moment Together

  • kirstina

    Sometimes we get the kids busy playing and put the baby in the activity jumper and we sneak to our room.

  • ConnorMom228

    My fiancé and I don't usually do it if our son is in the same room. We may start out fooling around, but then we move to another room. We just make sure he's asleep and safe where he is. You don't have to have sex in your room. There's the bathroom. The kitchen. The living room. Get creative.

  • motherslove82

    My husband and I had sex earlier while our three year old watched cartoons on the couch. She never even noticed. We have four kids, so time completely alone is almost impossible. We have to find ways to work around it.

Give It Time

  • DaniD1226

    Sex is amazing after not being in the mood AT ALL for four months (two while pregnant and two postpartum)! My husband basically gave up on me. Once we put our son in his own room and had a one-night getaway the spark is finally back and better than ever!

  • mommyhonu

    Give it a little bit of time... it will happen. (That is, if you really want it.) Every couple goes through a dry spell every once in awhile. If you have someone to keep an eye on the kids for you for about an hour or so you could do it that way. Or a shower date is always fun to do... you tell hubby he has x amount of minutes to meet you in the shower. Flirtatious texts are always fun too. Cuddling naked is fun too.

  • cabrandy03

    It took almost 6 months for sex to be comfortable and enjoyable for me again after my daughter was born. I still don't have much of a sex drive (baby is 18 months) but I think it's just because I'm still breastfeeding. I'm pretty sure once she weans it'll kick back up to where it used to be.

  • Turtledoves

    It took 10 weeks before it didn't hurt a lot. I healed improperly and had a broken tailbone so it was ten weeks of nothing going near down there. After about two or three weeks of doing it again, it started to become enjoyable again. Now it's totally back to normal.