What if I want a baby but my partner's not ready?
Real Mom Problem
“My husband and I have been married for about a year. I am ready for kids, however he is not. How do I help him be ready? I really want a baby.”
- 1. Wait until you are both ready before trying to conceive
- 2. Communicate with your partner about your feelings and discuss your family plans often
- 3. Spending time around babies and other families can help you get your relationship ready for a new addition
Real Mom Solutions
Are you ready for a baby but your partner wants to wait? See how these moms decided when the right time to start a family is -- for both parties involved.
Patience is Your Only Option
It is paramount, that you do NOT create a child with someone who is not ready! They will either run for the hills, be completely miserable and resent you and/or the child or, (slight chance) grow a pair and become a great father. The odds are highest in camps one and two. This is not a decision one person can make on their own, it changes your whole life and to change a person's whole life in this way without them being ready for that change is wrong.
To be honest, I waited until he was ready before I pushed the subject. We hung around many small infants though, (I planned it that way) to get him ready for the idea. That seemed to help a lot.
Wait. I would not want to bring a baby into a relationship that is not prepared for it. Not to mention the damage it can do to a relationship to have a child when one partner is against it at the time.
There's nothing you can do but wait. You cannot and should not force a baby upon someone. You can always have babies later down the road but you cannot ever take away a baby.
Having a child is a lifetime commitment and there are no days off or vacations from your child. Make sure that your husband is really ready to do this because this child isn't asking to be born. You're deciding to bring him/her into the world. So make sure that he really wants this child because there is no turning back later.
Communicate with Your Partner
Look for those qualities in your husband which will make him a good dad and mention those to him, just a little, here and there. He might just need a better cheerleading section to give him courage to face such a big responsibility. Guys worry a ton more about money and how to afford raising a child, so be sensitive to that, also. Men sometimes take time to "come around" and my, when he did, mine REALLY came around and was super-ready. I never saw a prouder dad and he gave our son the best birthday parties every year. Our kid still comes home, grown now, around his birthday time, because it was the highlight of the year.
It is all about communication and patience. My husband and I are both very open on where we are with family planning, and eventually, we are able to decide what is best for our little family.
Everything Changes Once Baby Arrives
I have learned over the years that until you actually have kids, men usually aren't ready. But once he holds that baby in his hands everything changes.
I don't think anyone is ever ready for a baby. He's just trying to figure out what changes to expect and come to terms with them. He will be fine, once the baby is here and he feels that pride as a father. His priorities will come into focus. It's important that both of you have free time and interests beyond the baby, so tell him that, but your child should always be both of your priority.
He won't be ready until he's holding that baby! My husband kept saying he wasn't ready. We ended up with our son a year after we were married.