What should I do if I discover my teen has been having sex?
Real Mom Problem
“I am totally a basket case right now. I have tried very hard to keep my son busy with sports and activities to try and keep him occupied and away from girls. But I found out tonight that my 13-year-old has now lost all of his innocence.”
- 1. Make sure your teen is educated about protection from STDs and pregnancy
- 2. Let your teen know he or she can always come to you to talk about anything
- 3. Make an appointment with your teen's doctor for a physical and consider birth control methods
Real Mom Solutions
Read this mom-to-mom advice about what to do if you find out your teen is sexually active.
Keep Your Sexually Active Teen Safe
My 16-year-old just recently had sex. She came to me about it, which I'm thankful for, even though I'm not happy about her having sex. We went to the doctor and got her on birth control. I will say that she is in love with the boy, and they waited over six months before consummating the relationship. I know she respects herself, and I know that she's honest with me. I also told her that as much as I did not want her having sex, I didn't want her pregnant even more.
My 17-year-old is sexually active. She told me that she had sex the day after she did it. We discussed abstinence, birth control, and sexually transmitted diseases before she had sex for the first time. It was all revisited when she told me she had sex and I made her research STDs, birth control, teen pregnancy stats, and ways to improve self-esteem.
My daughter was 14 when she told me she was having sex and wanted to go on the pill. I didn't want her having sex, but I didn't want her pregnant either. I chose to put her on the pill. We've also talked about STDs.
We put our daughter on birth control when she came to me and told me she had sex. She said they used a condom; I was at least glad for that. I took her to Planned Parenthood and she discussed birth control options with the nurse practitioner. She initially chose the pill but never seemed to remember to take it, so she switched to the birth control shot.
I thought my daughter was going to tutoring after school on Mondays and was shocked to find out that she was actually leaving to hang out with her so-called boyfriend. I got a call from the vice principal telling me she had been skipping tutoring after school. I read some text messages and found out she was having sex. I took her to a gynecologist and she got a birth control shot, exam, blood work, etc. Please protect, provide birth control, and support your kids in any way you can. You never want to hear words like "your child is sick, pregnant, or maybe dying from their poor choices." Follow your instincts and heart and talk to them every day. Like it or not, young people decide to have sex at too young now.
Yes, I will start giving condoms when my kids are in high school. I'll do whatever I can to get them to wait. But if they are going to do it, I want it to be as safe as possible. I don't want to see my kids growing up making the mistakes my mom made with me. She just closed her eyes and ears and prayed I did what's best. I love her, but I screwed up my life because of it.
If You Suspect Sexual Activity
I would come right out and ask your son if he's having sex. I would make sure he understands and uses condoms no matter what the girl says she is doing to prevent a pregnancy. We talked continuously to our sons about sex, birth control, teen parents--the whole nine yards. We had an understanding that when they became sexually active they would always use a condom. Sadly we know a young man that contracted HIV on prom night. The girl knew she had it and the boy didn't use a condom. We told them we would rather give them the money to pay for condoms than them not use them. We never gave them money, but we did see packs of condoms when putting the laundry away.
Sit down with your son. Make sure he knows about condoms and their use. Ask him point-blank if he is sexually active. Tell him if he is, or is considering it, then he better be prepared for the worst (teen dad). Be open and honest with him about the rules and breaking them.
I put my 15-year-old daughter on birth control when she got a serious boyfriend. I've preached abstinence from the time they were old enough to begin to ask questions about where babies come from, but I'm not naive. I wasn't confident they would come to me before having sex and I didn't want to risk it. She swears she isn't having sex and doesn't want to, but I'm an OB nurse. I see teen pregnancy every day. It happens. I also preach STDs. They've heard all the horror stories. I hope they listen, but I wanted the insurance. I also have an 18-year-old son. He also claims to be a virgin.
I know I can't physically stop my kids from having sex. But I do everything I can to educate them and empower them and hope they make healthy, positive decisions. Both the girls and the boys.