Should I let my child go to teen parties?
Real Mom Problem
“Does your teen likes to attend parties? Do they have chaperones?”
- 1. Some moms only let their teens go to parties that will be supervised by an adult
- 2. Other moms want to trust their teens to act responsibly and will let them choose which parties to attend
- 3. If you allow your teen to attend a party, try setting a curfew so he or she knows to be home by a certain time
- 4. Make sure your teen knows to never get in a car with a driver who has been drinking alcohol
Real Mom Solutions
Find out what other moms of teens allow when it comes to their kids and parties.
Know How the Party Will Be Supervised
The only parties my kids go to are well-chaperoned, and with kids and parents I know.
My 15-year-old is only allowed to go to supervised parties. And I am reconsidering that now that she told me the last one had alcohol there, and she got drunk. I'm very disappointed. I think the next one will be at my house. They can't pull the wool over my eyes.
I never let my teen go to a party unless I know who is throwing it, if a parent is there, and what the parent is like. Then I have to have a phone number and address - and yes, I do swing by.
Try to Trust Your Teen
My oldest is 18. I trust her. I allow her go to friends' parties. I know her well enough to trust she will make the right decisions, and if not, she is old enough to suffer the consequences. There comes a time you have to let go and allow them to make the choices for themselves. My other two kids are not allowed at parties without parents as of yet.
As a child I raise them, as a teen I guide them, as an adult I advise them. My goal is to raise self-sufficient, good-decision-making contributors to the world around them. I cannot do that if I hold them back by not allowing them to make a decision. If I have done my job they will know my rules and expectations and not only how to follow them, but that the rules aren't going to just disappear one day because they have reached a certain age. And personally I think too much control, especially in the teen years, can be incredibly detrimental in the long run. You hold a teen back and give them no room to learn and grow through success and failures, you are setting up for big disappointment.
I would let your teen go as a test. Set a curfew. When she comes home, see if she comes home sober. If she comes home late or drunk, then set the proper punishment. My mom kept me sheltered from parties when I was a teenager. She was afraid that I would drink and do drugs. I went to my first "real" party at 18, and I went crazy. Started partying almost every day for two years straight. You have to trust your kid. You have to trust that she would make good choices.
You have to give your teen the assurance that you trust her and let her have the rope. You won't know till you give her the benefit of the doubt. Plus, saying no might just push her away. Let her have some guidelines to follow and make sure she knows NEVER to get in the car with someone who has been drinking behind the wheel.
As my kids have gotten older I have eased up on the structure and rules and have given my teens the freedom that they have earned. I have spent a lot of years bringing them up to be good people, and now that they are older and they fully understand right and wrong I can ease up on the rules. They have yet to disappoint me.