What do I do if my teen says he is gay?
Real Mom Problem
“My son has come to me and thinks he may be gay. I want to believe he's not... Can someone help? My husband refuses to address it, and I have no one to talk to.”
- 1. Let your teen know you love him or her unconditionally, and that he or she can always talk to you
- 2. Get your partner on board with supporting your teen
- 3. Give your teen time to understand his sexual preferences--don't rush his coming out if he's not ready
- 4. Contact an organization like PFLAG for support for the whole family, or the Trevor Project for crisis intervention and support
Real Mom Solutions
Has your teen come out to you as gay? Help him or her through this challenging time with these tips from moms who have been through it before.
Encourage Your Teen to Talk to You
Just let him know that you love him. Tell him that he can come to you for anything anytime. He is your son regardless if you and your husband are having a hard time with him being gay. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I have had friends who have harmed themselves when they have thought there was no one who cared about them.
Have a talk with him and let him know you love him and being gay won't change that. Tell him you are there if he needs to talk. Find support groups in your area for both you and him to help you deal with this if you are having a problem with it.
I would put your feelings aside whether you agree with being gay or not and support you son and whether he is gay or not sure. If you tell him you don't support him and he does find out he really truly is gay then it could damage your relationship. I would tell him he can talk to you no matter what it is and that he can be open about everything.
Remind Him of Your Unconditional Love
My daughter came clean with me and told me she is bi-sexual. It was like a truck hit me. I totally support the gay community, but it's different (for some reason) when it's your own child telling you this is how they are. My daughter has also been sexually abused by people she was supposed to trust. I'm thinking this is the link to her confusion, however I still let her know that I love her very much and I will support her no matter what. If it turns out she really is bi, I am really ok with that. She is my daughter and I love her just the way she is, whatever that may be.
My oldest, 15, told me that she thinks she's bi-sexual. It's a non-issue to me because I love her no matter what.
You'll survive, just remember he's always going to be your son no matter what his sexual preferences are! Just don't give up loving him!
Seek Outside Support
What your son needs is lots of support and love from you and your husband. Counseling would be a great help also for him.
Go directly to PFLAG (Parents, Family, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays)--they are wonderful whether or not your son is gay. Also, the damage done by bullying can only be undone by your compassion, love and support. If you believe this, he will, too. Then healing has a chance to take place. He needs hope and assurance. Monitor him a bit more and check out support for him as soon as possible!
You have to re-build his confidence and spirits... Surround him with positive people and atmosphere. If you aren't already in a church, then join one that has a youth group and get him involved in that. The other youths can help be a positive group of friends.
Let Your Teen Take His Time
Your son is still young and going through hormonal issues. He may be gay, he may not be. But he does need counseling.
I think the best thing someone can do is tell their children they'll love them no matter what, and as long as they're happy and their significant other treats them right and respects them, you will be happy no matter their race or sexual preference. After that, it's up to the child to decide when they want to come out. I don't think it's something that should be forced. He needs to come out of the closet of his own accord and in his own way and time.
I still think he is too young to know...He's a young teen and their minds change on a daily basis.