How do you handle discipline disagreements with your significant other?
Real Mom Problem
“My husband and I are in disagreement when it comes to discipline! What should we do? I feel like this is really affecting our marriage so I need help right away!”
- 1. Discuss discipline issues before they come up
- 2. Never disagree about discipline in front of your child
- 3. Find areas where you can compromise
- 4. Share successful strategies with your significant other
Real Mom Solutions
Disciplining a toddler is hard enough without feeling as if you're fighting your partner too! Find out how the moms of CafeMom learned to get on the same page as their significant others and find more peace in their homes.
Talk it Out
I know how you feel. My husband and I come from two different parenting backgrounds, so we have read books and taken parenting classes. We definitely had to agree before either of us would discipline. We have talked and talked and planned and still disagree a lot, but we also have to respect each other and the kids.
It's a tricky issue! Try to talk to him. Don't bring it up as "I don't think you are disciplining the right way" but more as "I think it works best if you and I use the same approaches for discipline - so our son gets a consistent approach. Can we sit down and decide together how to handle different situations?" Make it like you are both part of the same team, you respect his ideas as much as your own, and just need to get your playbook worked up.
I think with any issue in a marriage, communication is a must. Parenting is part of marriage and needs communication to survive. Sometimes I disagree with something my husband did or said or I do it differently but I NEVER say anything in front of our daughter. We will discuss it later and come to a common ground. You need to respect each other and remember that you were raised differently from each other and therefore have different opinions. Good luck but I believe communication is key in this and any other marriage issue!
We have to agree beforehand, in private about out rules and the steps of discipline we will use - this way our kids know what is coming (for the most part) from either one of us and that they can't get away with one thing with one parent and not with the other. More important than how he disciplines is the lesson that when daddy disciplines, mommy doesn't undo what daddy does. We are on the same playing field and we discuss our disagreements later in private. Good luck. I know this can be a tricky area to navigate.
I think meeting in the middle may be the best thing. My husband and I butt heads, but if he does something that I felt was not the best way to work with my two-and-a-half-year-old handful, I tell him after the fact and tell him what I do to make it work. He usually will give it a shot, and if that doesn't work for him, he'll look at me and tell me he's doing it his way because mine didn't seem to work. Hey all I can do is try.
My husband and I talked a lot about discipline when our son was little. Basically, we wanted to agree when it came to discipline. I grew up in a house where I was threatened "Wait until your father gets home." I didn't want that to be said in our house. I've read lots of books and shared with my husband what I have found. We also have agreed that whoever is in charge for the day is responsible for discipline. We back each other up regardless and handle discipline disagreements after bed time.
Let It Go
Sometimes it's better to just not say anything. My husband and I don't always agree on what deserves discipline and what doesn't but I don't say anything because it's not my job to critique or criticize his parenting. I wouldn't want him to tell me I was doing it wrong. So I would just let your husband handle things the way he wants and you handle them the way you want when you're home with him.
Put Your Foot Down
Don't ask him but tell him how you are going to discipline the kids. I used the "I run this house while you are gone 14 hours a day, and you don't decide what happens in it while you are gone" strategy.