How do I know if adoption is right for my family?
Real Mom Problem
“So far we have been trying for 15 months and I am just worn out. My body can't take any more treatment and we want this so badly. Has anyone else adopted? Or thought about it?”
- 1. Many women who haven't been successful conceiving consider adoption as a way to make their dreams of a family come true
- 2. Weigh the cost of infertility treatments against adoption to help decide what's right for your family
- 3. Foster-to-adopt programs can be a loving, and affordable alternative
- 4. Many families, whether they're able to conceive or not, choose adoption, but recognize that it's not right for everyone
Real Mom Solutions
Are you wondering if adoption is the right way for you to fulfill your dreams of having children, or more children? See what the ladies of CafeMom have to say before making the decision that's best for your family.
Many Families Choose Adoption
I would consider adoption because I long to be a mother and in the process could help a child from a foster home or orphanage.
We have adopted and it is a wonderful blessing. Our daughter is our world. If we never are able to conceive we know that we have one of the most precious gifts already in our lives.
With my life and what I had to go through for both of my sons, my next child will be adopted. I was adopted and the relationship between me and my adoptive mother is like nothing else. It's like she saved my life and then some, so we are very close! But that doesn't always happen either. I have always wanted to adopt one child. My husband and I decided to adopt our next child when we were ready. We don't know if we will adopt a baby or an older child, but we will make that decision when the time comes.
Regardless of whether we can have a second child on our own, we will be adopting anyway. My husband's mom was adopted so he wants to adopt, and I've always wanted to adopt because there are so many kids out there that need love.
Even though I am able to have children, my husband and I have thought about becoming foster parents once we have purchased a bigger house in the future. If I wasn't able to have children, I think I would adopt first.
Adoption Isn't Right for Everyone
We are trying to conceive out first. I would consider IVF, but adoption is not for us.
My husband refuses to adopt. In his words, "I don't want to raise anyone else's kids. If I can't have my own then I will be satisfied with my step-daughter."
If I can't get pregnant I don't think we will adopt because it would cost us $20,000 or more. For that price I would rather do IVF.
I will not use any fertility treatments and I don't intend on adopting. I have three kids. If I don't get pregnant, then it's not meant to be.
I just closed our adoption license a few weeks ago. We wanted to build our family through foster care adoption, but after two years with no placements, we decided we needed to give our daughter a sibling and started trying to conceive. We have an issue in our family with a criminal record (not me or my husband) that was affecting us getting placements. The stress was insane. It is not for everyone.
IVF is cheaper than adoption so we would do that first. We have two children, and then foolishly I had my tubes tied. I had my tubal ligation reversed. I almost wish we had just done IVF then. We considered becoming foster-to-adopt parents, and even went to some classes. The problem with that is if you get an infant, you can't adopt it until it's two. The courts give the birth parents up to two years to "straighten up." We didn't think that would work well for us.
How to Know When to Turn to Adoption
Our hearts are too big to love only the kids that we have now and there are too many kids that need a loving home and family. IVF and other invasive infertility treatments would depend upon our insurance. We would probably try it if it was covered but if not then we would put that money into the adoption process in order to help more kids and just figure that God is telling us our appropriate path for our lives.
We have decided since we are trying for our fourth that we will take whatever meds it may take to get pregnant, but we will not take it any further. IUI and IVF cost tons of money and since we already have three we feel it's not necessary to spend that kind of money to get pregnant a fourth time. If it was our first, or second, or even our third it might be different. If we don't get pregnant, then when the boys are older we are thinking about becoming foster parents.
I was a foster care child that was later adopted and my adoptive family was AMAZING! With my failing infertility treatments racking up thousands of dollars, we had hit the end of our road. We had given it a few more months to try. We hit our mark and are considering adoption. I don't think I could do infertility treatments again if we wanted another. I think we'd stick to adoption.
Consider Foster Care or Overseas Adoption
I adopted my daughters almost 10 years ago when they were 4 and 5. They are 13 and 15 now. It is absolutely free to adopt kids from foster care and there are tons of kids needing homes
My daughters were three days old when I got them through foster care. I got them in September and found out I'd be able to pursue adoption in October, but then it did take until November the following year to adopt them.
We want to adopt at some point. May I suggest overseas adoption? American babies will ALL be adopted...there are terribly long waiting lists. There are TONS of babies/children in other counties that will never be adopted and just grow up in orphanages. I highly suggest overseas adoption to anybody considering adopting!
We looked into adopting from Eastern Europe since that is where we are currently living. I have a huge love for these children here and work off and on in a few different orphanages. But it was still very hard and very expensive; the least expensive was a do-it-yourself adoption in Poland and that was still about $10,000-$20,000. Adoption itself, no matter where, is going to be expensive and hard. It's not easy on you or your wallet.
We became foster parents with open option to adopt if possible. I immediately felt good in my heart that we made the right decision to foster and that this is the road for us. We are looking forward to opening our home to children in need of a home and love. I strongly feel that we will be paper pregnant sometime this year, or next, and that we will be able to adopt soon. I feel this is our CALLING, not just something we want to do.
I don't know where you are financially but you can go through the ads or put your own ad in and go that route. I do know that with some state adoptions you have to go through classes for foster care then when you are finished they will decide if you are OK, then when a child is found they will place them with you and they have to live in your home for six months, then you find out if you get to adopt. But I also know that with the state you usually get an older child. If you can raise the money you can do an overseas adoption and that is usually completed in under a year.
When my youngest is about five we are going to foster-to-adopt for sure. There are so many kids in the system that need loving homes. My husband and I have always wanted to adopt. Definitely look into it.
I would love to adopt, but I am not sure we could afford it. So we may go the foster parent route and then just adopt that way. We are still undecided on that and we would only foster infants since we have kids of our own and we would have to be careful with what influences we bring into our home.