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Need advice on custody in Michigan....Basically the father of my child doesnt really want much to do with me, but wants to be involed with his son.

I do not mind if he is involved but I do not want his girlfriend around my child. I also have not met his family and that worries me. Is there ANYTHING i can do or basically I just have to sit and worry every time that my son goes with his father. I think that the fact that we were never married should play a part in this but he was overseas in the service and has no bad history so I know he will be able to use his rights...I just am worried about the people around him and it keeps me up at night. I havn't even had this child yet and all i feel is stress and doom. I want to just keep him inside of me forever :( I feel very out of control. I almost am considering not even telling him when the baby is born or telling him it is not his or something. It might be harder but for me the 200 a month I might get from him is not worth this extra stress. . any thoughts?

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Asked by soveryconfused at 1:13 AM on Jan. 3, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (12)
  • also I do not know if this matters but I will be living at home for right now while in school and paying off some debt. He just got back from overseas so he is staying with someone, not sure if he will be buying his own place. I have a very stable home life and good parents that are helping me. I just have heard over and over from ppl that you cant have a say in who the father of ur child dates but I feel that if you were not married and they are not even married, then yes, I can have a say as to who is holding my baby. Also I am going to breastfeed and I know that for the first year he wouldnt be able to take my son...or at least I do not think. But after that Im really worried.

    Answer by soveryconfused at 1:15 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Unless the other woman has a past history of abuse or drugs, etc. there is nothing that you can do. The courts will not limit who the child can be around or not. And actually keeping him from the child can work in his favor. I am not with my son's father either and wasn't throughout my pregnancy and I had the same worries as you. I did not know his family and he had numerous women. Unfortunately I had to think of my son first and I did not want to have to explain to him in the future that I was teh reason he didn't have a relationship with his father. He won't be able to take your son overnight for a couple years but they will give him visitation away from you, even while breastfeeding.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:22 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Well I am unsure of Michigan laws but I do know that even with breastfeeding he will have vistiation. And still unsure of if it will be overnight or not. There are breast pumps ya know. I think the best thing would be to talk to the father. Don't be over emotional. He is the father and if he wants anything to do with this child he isn't going to put him in harms way. But talk to him, ask to meet his family, so that if his mom or dad had to pick him up you would know who they are. Express your concerns in a way that do not sound badgering or anything. Let him know you are only looking out for your baby. And if you two can calmly sit down and discuss things you will (cont)

    Answer by lovinmomto3 at 1:31 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • or can come out with a plan that fits both of your needs. Maybe he can come get the baby while you are in school a couple of times a week instead of staying all nights since you are going to breastfeed. And DO NOT use the well I am breastfeeding so you can't have him, cause if you ever decide to leave him for a couple of hours just to go to school you will look like a hippocrite to him and the court. But the best thing you can do is sit and talk to him. Most likely if you come off in a cool smooth way you can work things out calmly and rationally. Hope I have helped.

    Answer by lovinmomto3 at 1:33 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • i think that is such crap. after all that women have to go through to have the baby. It is MY child. MY baby. I should have a right as to who holds and takes care of MY baby.

    Answer by soveryconfused at 1:47 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Be glad he wants something to do with your child. My husband can't stand his ex and he wasn't there for the birth or delivery and we want nothing more than to keep both of them out of our life but she wants to make his life miserable because hers is and she's so full of drama. We wish she was like you and would just take her kid and leave us alone.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:53 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Then maybe you should have thought of that before you got pregnant. You sound like your young. So your in for a big reality check when that baby comes. His name goes on the Birth Certificate than there is nothing you can do. He has rights to that baby as much as you do - even if you don't like it. I do agree with pp about talking to him nicely and maybe getting to know who his parents/relatives are. But you will in no way have any say in who he dates or brings around the baby. Unless you go to court and can prove without a reasonable doubt that the person is indeed bad and will harm the child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:04 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • It's the same with you, he can't say who you can or cannot bring around the baby either. Good parenting is a 2-way street. Sometimes with lots of comprimise on both sides. It's not just you anymore it's another life your responsible for so get use to the baby coming before you - you need to do what's right for the baby - and if that means doing things you'd rather not -well - just suck it up and do whatever will benefit that child, Be the bigger, mature'r person.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:04 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • if you put his name on the certificate of birth that gives him his rights, otherwise he will have to take you to court to get a paternity test done, then the court will award him his rights. just a thought, its also a long drawn out process. but if he doesnt know about the baby right now...why are you worried, you are going to have to be the one to spill the beans to him. maybe you are worrying prematurely. & if he doesnt have or never has had a bad history, why are you worried that will change? Why are you worried that he'd choose someone to be with that has a bad history..if he hasnt had one himself? maybe your over reacting. from what you have said, i dont see anything that would justify you keeping his child from him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:27 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • if he wants to be around his child, honestly count your blessings. Maybe you can meet his family b/f you have the baby maybe not. The first year, most states don't do overnight but he will be able to take the baby out with him (check your state for their general guidelines). I KNOW its super hard (been there) but you will be held to it.

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 10:47 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

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