Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

what do i do

i am 21 and found out i was pregnany 15 weeks ago and have been with b/f of 6 years for the past 2 he has been in jail and ive supported him and been completly faithful i got pregnant on a home leave, when i told him he said either we stay together and you get rid of the baby or you keep it and where finished, well i decided too keep MY child but am completely still in love with him this is soo hard too deal with, he is my first love and i dont see my self getting over him very soon... hes still in contact and still comes home every 3 weeks on a home leave and stays at mine for a week, i no that i'd jump at the chance too get back with him how do i sort my head out i cant concetrate on my pregnancy it doesnt even feel real every thought i have is him, i know that is selfish but i cant help it, please i need advice.........

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:13 PM on Jul. 15, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Does your guy think you cheated on him? Why is he so black and white with the situation. Why is he giving you his choices? Why do you have to choose between him and this child?

    Answer by feesharose at 9:15 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • I am so proud of you to keep your child. Relationships come and go So many women get aportions because of guy and then regret it I have a friend who did that she always used to say my baby would be this old today. Your heart might be with him but once you hold your child you will fill true pure love. No other love like it

    Answer by muslimmom at 9:22 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • OMG!! i'm so sorry you're going through this!! I understand how you must feel because i know what is like to be in love!! However, I feel that the love and devotion he has for you is not quite there if he's asking you to choose...if he truly loves you he's going to want to be with you no matter what!! I know a break up is not easy but if you have decided to have your baby and he truly leaves you then it might be for the best! You and your baby deserve a responsible and loving husband/father!! Being a parent is no easy task but if he wasn't ready for it then he should have thought of that b4 sleeping w/you!! My heart goes out 2 u!!! and if u want 2 talk i'm here!! let me know how things work out!?...take care!!

    Answer by JulieFrancesca at 9:30 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • Are you in "love" or in "habit"? If he's all you know, then you don't have the experience of someone that is truly good for you, and who truly loves you. A good man would not make you chose like that. Kill our child and I will stay with you. Don't kill our child and I will leave. How absurd is that? Really! Think long and hard about what he is putting you and your child through. Then think long and hard about what that child will want for his mother. Do you think your child will want to have a mom that pines for a bad guy? Or, would your child want a strong mom that knows what real love is about?

    Answer by halfpint_ny at 9:40 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • i was with my man for 10 years and im only 19, we did however have a year break within those ye ars and I had a sexual relationship with him, and one other man, (he knew about) anyway...I got pregnant...keep in mind my SO never got me pregnant before this break...and now I was...he told me, that if I got rid of it, we will start over and try for our own, JUST IN CASE the one I was carrying...wasnt his...

    and you know what I did it..I got an abortion, that same day...I went in alone and woke up SO wasnt even there...
    "it hurt him too much to think it wasnt his"


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • 3 months later...I found out I was pregnant again...and there was no way in hell I was giving this one up for ANYONE, the moment I told him that...

    well lets just say I am about to be a single mother...
    this time there is no doubt he is the father...

    my point is...if your man cant step up now he never will...
    as REALLY F#$%N hard as it is...and as much as I still cry,

    id rather have no father in this babies life then a dead beat, who could easily walk away...

    live for yourself

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • I just say this isn't all your fault, or the babys, if you want to you could give the baby up for adoption. If I wasn't pregnant, I would offer to take it. :)
    I think you should let the baby live, and then decide if you want to keep it or give it up for adoption.
    If the man wants nothing to do with the child then do what you want to. please let the baby live, I know you have love in your heart.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • why would you want to be with a man who is in jail, whom you support and who wants you to kill his baby? try looking at it like a stranger would see it. and from my viewpoint, its like he is using you. you give him what he wants and expect nothing in return. i am sure that you love him, but do you wnat to be with someone like that for the rest of your life?
    kudos on keeping the baby and making the decision to not have the baby pay for the daddy's attitude.
    ask yourself what you were getting out of this situation. and why was he so blase? you coudl stay together or not? wtf? you need a man who is going to love you and support you, be there for you. is that what you are getting?

    Answer by princezzmommie at 1:16 AM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • you know i was also with my ex bf for 6 years. i know its hard right now and thats all u could think of. but u just have to try ur best to think of ONLY ur baby. try to think of the crbin, the things u would buy, etc. i think after u have ur baby it would be much easier. the baby is going to take up ALL of ur time and u r gonna be sooo in love with him/her. u mightlove ur bf now but theres no greater love than the love of ur child. also u r still really young and have soo many years to find the right one ;) good luck with ur baby :D

    Answer by Gaby142 at 1:31 AM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • i'll tell you something you made the right choice about the baby and if he doesn't want to be in the picture then let him suffer. my ex told me he wanted to have a baby with me and when i ended up pregnant he wanted me to have an abortion i did not do it and when i miscarried he was happy.that showed him for the jerk he was and i hurt at first but it was better then finding out later down the road.if he cant stay by ur side then u have to think about in the long run and how it will effect you and the baby . maybe once he feels the baby kick or sees the ultrasound picture maybe he will be different and if hes not its better to hurt a little than a ton. good luck.

    Answer by onehotmama542 at 3:58 AM on Jul. 16, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.