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MY 3 YEAR SON HAS THE HABIT OF TALKING BACK TO ME AND NOT LISTENING TO ME UNLESS I GET LIKE REALLY UGLY WITH HIM.I HAVE TRIED THE TIME OUT THING I HAVE EVEN TRIED TAKING THINGS FROM HIM AS PUNISHMENT AND IT DOESN'T SEEM TO WORK. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO I DON'T WANT TO SPANK HM BECAUSE MY MOTHER USE TO DO THAT TO ME AND I DIDN'T SO MUCH RESPECT HER BUT I FEARED HER AND I DON'T WANT MY KIDS TO BE AFRAID OF ME.

HE IS VERY MEAN TO HIS SISTER BUT VERY LOVING TO HIS BABY BROTHER THAT IS SOMETHING I DON'T UNDERSTAND BECAUSE HIS BROTHER IS THE YOUNGEST AND HE TREATS HIM BETTER THAN HE TREATS HIS SISTER.

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MENDOZAMOM315

Asked by MENDOZAMOM315 at 7:34 AM on Jan. 3, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (19)
  • When i was a kid my mom would put soap in my mouth when i would talk back,it on;y took one time of that for me not to talk back anymore.When i woul'nt listen she would do this push thing on my ear it hurt but i learned to listen.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:11 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • My son is the same way...my ped. told me it was a phase...so hopefully he'll grow out of it soon!
    ChaoticSoul

    Answer by ChaoticSoul at 8:45 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Is he modeling behavior he sees from his father or other male role model?

    Are your expectations perhaps too high? Have you spoken to his doctor?

    Our DS who is 3 will go through bouts of fresh talk but we get right in his face on his level and tell him to speak like a friend. We are also quick to follow up with time-outs.

    Also - if you "get ugly" with him, it becomes a game to see how far he can push you. Just stay calm and remember he is a child.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 8:56 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • So you would rather "get ugly" with him and stoop to his level than just paddling his rear end? Spanking doesnt have to create fear. It can create a level of respect that you really need. Its about the method and yelling, threatening, or retaliating is not going to work. One of my major issues is disrespect. I would rather my kids just smack me upside the head as to talk back to me. Its just not tolerated and its an automatic warning and if I hear it again, then off to the bedroom we go. Its too important of an issue to let go. If hes talking to you like this at 3, what do you think 13 or worse, 16 is going to be like?
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 9:38 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Maybe you could look at spanking as an option. Something we never wanted to do either but will do. We have set rules though for ourselves. We are to stay calm and in control of ourselves if we are to spank. Because if you're not then you spank when you're angry and then you will likely hurt your child.
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 10:03 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • My son knows that if he "gives attitude" he will get popped. It is a method that I rarely have to use. He does not fear me. With discipline/punishments I try everything else first ex- timeouts, taking away toys, TV, computer, etc. Spanking is a LAST resort - but he knows it can happen. At age 3 a pop on the buttt that doesn't even hurt can get their attention when the yelling just tells him he won.
    Also, my son went through a phase like this at about the same age. I cannot remember how long it lasted (not too long) but i have my sweet little boy back now (usually -lol)
    sewhappy2Bmama

    Answer by sewhappy2Bmama at 10:41 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • It would seem to me that if your son if verbally disrespectful, then the logical consequence is to discipline him verbally - I don't mean a "talking to" or a "scolding". I mean you need to show him HOW to speak respectfully. Every time he speaks disrespectfully - whether to you or anyone else, tell him calmly "We don't say xxx. Please say xxx" and give in the appropriate response, then have him repeat it. If he chooses to not listen to you, then a "think time" until he is ready to listen and use his words respectfully could be in order. Popping him on the mouth for this could lead to later fear of speaking out when he feels he has something important to say. You need to teach him how to speak respectfully without the feat of being punished.
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 11:52 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • As for the not listening - how do you speak to him? When my son is not listening, I do several things: I gently take his face and make him look at me, I tell him to look at my eyes so I know he is listening, I do not speak until he is looking at me. When I am not close to him, I give him hand signals to remind him to look at me when I speak to him - I just point two fingers to my eyes. I also sometimes give him a verbal command that tells him I expect his attention before I speak: "Stop. Look. Listen." He knows what each of those words mean. If he chooses to not do these things, then I take appropriate action (take away a toy if he won't stop playing with it, put him in his room if he won't listen.) I also make sure I use words he understands AND I have him repeat back to me what I said to make sure he heard it.
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 11:56 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • at 3 your child will not "respect" you. this comes later. a little fear is a good thing, i believe. you don't have to smack your child every time he sasses for him to check himself. but if he thinks you MIGHT smack him... a little pop on the mouth, for sassing or being mean, a smack on the hand for hurting his sister (or rippng up her paper or...). sort of like the offending body part gets the smack. be firm and be consistent with your discipline. discipline, by the way does not mean punishment. it means: "Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement. " train him now. it'll make your life easier later. good luck!
    vickiathome

    Answer by vickiathome at 1:34 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • my youngest son was that way and we sent to a preschool where they where great. Kids get tried of your grounded and talking back a 3 yrs old, just mean he watches to much tv. so shows are get for kids but others just do not cut it. Or something they see other children do that at a babysitter or friends house and they think it cute. Respect they will learn if you give it back (like if he does a good job at something let him know.) Sometimes they got to know you care!
    peaches-3

    Answer by peaches-3 at 1:44 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

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