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What do you put first?

Your relationship with your husband or your kids? I'm not talking about neglecting either, just wonder where your priorities lye?
Me and my husband put the kids first, but have recently learned that we need to put our relationship first for our kids so we can be the best we can for them.

 
AmandaH321

Asked by AmandaH321 at 10:28 AM on Jan. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Level 20 (8,472 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Yes. I couldn't agree more. It is hard work, but we try to put our relationship first. I think it is so important for our kids to see a strong and loving relationship between my husband and I, and for them to feel a security in that. It sets up a strong foundation for our family.
    owensmom17

    Answer by owensmom17 at 10:33 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • It's not an either/or. They are 2 totally different relationships and both deserve separate attentions. Naturally your kids rely on you, as they're only children and can't do much without your assistance. However, to preserve an adult relationship, you always have to be aware of it's existance and needs. The growth that happens within that relationshp, keeping up with the other's growth, etc. It's healthy for your children to take time for your relationship AWAY from them, so they can see the importance of it. It's a lesson they should learn for their own adulthood.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 10:42 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Absolutely Hubby. IMO, if you are not happy in your relationship with your DH/SO, your kids will pick up on it. Kind of the "trickle-down" effect. Happy parents make happy kids!
    drowninginboys

    Answer by drowninginboys at 10:42 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I think the children have to have priority since they are helpless, and it wasn't their choice to have us as parents. So we must do our best for them. Our husband we love as ourself, but the husband can feed himself and make a living (in general.) An adult has inner resources that the children don't have. This is an attempt to answer the question as asked. Actually, both should have priority. The husband has a right to be treated as a loved and precious person, and the children have the same right. The husband because he entered into marriage with the understanding that he now had priority in your life. And the children because you chose for them to come into the world. It is similar to the love we have for the children, we love them differently but equally.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:47 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • its a delicate combination of the both!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:02 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Children, because they can't fend for themselves. A husband is and should always be a priority, but both my hubby and I agree the kids need taken care of and attention paid to them first. We take time out each week for eachother...so this question doesn't affect us all that much.
    mom23boys679

    Answer by mom23boys679 at 11:19 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • It depends on your stage of life. Before the kids it was my husband, and when my kids were young they were my priority but they are 16 and almost 12, so now my focus has shifted to my husband and re-building our social life.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 11:41 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Just to clarify a little on where I'm coming from... We have 3 kids under the age of 5, I'm a SAHM and my husband works long shifts. With my last pregnancy I got depression and was very overwhelmed by all that I had to do (I was also in school at the time). The kids were my responsibility as DH was always working (to pay for my school), on the odd chance he had a day off he would do as much as he could but let me tell you he was so tired most days he'd just drop!
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 11:43 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Once the kids were taken care of and in bed, they have never been left to fend for themselves or go without, we would just crash. During that time our first priority was the kids, work/school and sleep. We drifted so far apart and started talking divorce. It was craziness! We are now doing counselling and one thing that shocked us was putting ourselves before the kids. Ofcourse not neglecting them but not doing the little things if they meant us not having time together. Our relationship is on the mend. We have bumps in the road but are taking them together.
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 11:43 AM on Jan. 3, 2009

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