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is my insecurity killing me?!

My DH loves watching porn. It used to bother me but i guess i got used to it now i sometimes watch it with him. But sometimes he masturbates when i'm out of the house or asleep and it kinda makes me feel like he doesn't want to be w/me sexually bcuz i'm not attractive enough 4 him! The other night he was on a porn site and i asked who he fantasizes about and he showed me but now i can't get it out of my head that when he's having sex with me he's thinking about other women!! I used to be very jealous but i've calmed down! I just want him to want me for me once in a while. Last night he wanted 2 have sex and i didn't feel like it but did it anyway and i just couldn't get these thought out of my head!! i told him what's bothering me but i know it won't change things...any advice?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:58 PM on Jul. 15, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Guys don't necessarily think of the women in porn when they masterbate. They think of the act, and how much it turns them on when they see something that they'd like to do in real life. Maybe you could suggest doing something that he's said he likes in porn?

    Trust me, I live with three guys.
    Who knows, you might like it too :)

    Answer by cleverusername at 10:05 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • I know exactly how you feel. I talked to my husband about this before we were married, when we were just dating. He doesn't look at the stuff now but rarely did before. I hope you can find a way to get through to him about this so he can understand what you mean. Sorry I didn't have better advice for you.

    Answer by feesharose at 10:06 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • I think it's just a guy thing. I don't think he compares you with the women in the videos or pictures. They are just for enjoyment. It is quite normal and natural for a guy to masturbate even if he is in a relationship. Think about how much time guys spend thinking about sex. Don't worry about it and try to watch the movies with him, it might spice up your love life too. Good luck.

    Answer by Prwdmommy at 10:14 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • I would tell him how you feel about it. My SO was looking at porn when I was pregnant and hiding it from me. I was really upset by it. Mainly because I was insecure...and of course still am! I told him that I saw from the history that he was looking at porn and lots of it. I also let him know that my feelings were hurt by it. I just mainly was upset that he thought he had to hide it. I felt so much better after we talked about the porn and what he gets from it or what he wants from it.

    Answer by TeaAndrews at 10:14 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • i have spoken about it to just that things never get better...i dont mind him doing his things...i watch and do some of the things he sees only 2 make him happy and yeah..i enjoy certain things...i just want him 2 want me...idk..

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • I think it is good that you know about, I think that it is wrong all the way around, He is thiking about other girls when he has sex with you, I can honestly say that.
    masterbating is another thing, I let hubby do it, but i know that there is no porn involved.
    porn is scary, and it is dangerous. many people have lost so much because of it. You will never be a porn star, and you should never have to live to those standards.
    Your man needs to get some help, and fast or else he is going to lose you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:38 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • i apreciate the advice!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:50 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • IT sounds like HE needs the help not you. The porn is obviously "taking away" from your marriage and a marriage is intended to put forth for the other spouse and come in agreement. If the porn makes you feel this way then he NEEDS to give it up because it's hurting you and he definintly shouldn't be fantasizing about another woman, that's a serious issue! He married YOU, he's suppose to love YOU and commit to YOU. Not lusting after other women for his own selfishness. Good luck hun and I would really ban the porn because your not in the wrong, he is. Porn is a very destructive thing in relationships.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • Women associate sex with love and for guys it is totally different. I have actually had this conversation with my little brother for his wife once and he said to him it was just another form of finding ways to please her because he was to embarassed to ask what she wanted. Communication is the best answer and don't let it bother you so much, just try to imagine the thought process in a guys head and how little they realize what the meaning of there actions are. I love my husband and thank the Lord he is nothing like all of my exes. Try taking a deep breath and just telling him how it honestly makes you feel, including the thoughts that make you blush yourself that you want to skip over. Besides most men don't even see masturbating as sex. Maybe if you ask him to show you how he likes it he will think about how it affects you and this will help you both move on into a healthier happier relationship. Good Luck and God Bless...if you need a shoulder let me know

    Answer by wondermommy5 at 12:06 AM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • I have just recently been through this my husband watched porn and I would catch him masterbating, guess what after 12 years together he was actually cheating with a friend of mine because she liked porn and she was the type that let him do the things I would not, sorry they watch it they are destined to be cheaters, I was very sexual with him and like you tried to accept it but he still cheated, now I am divorcing him and he has already moved another girl in it hasn't even been a month some men are just pigs girl, be prepared for what he could do!! Sorry I know it sounds harsh but I've been there and I am still going through it>

    Answer by bzmommyo3 at 3:21 AM on Jul. 16, 2008

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