Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should I have my fifth kid and first pregnancy?

My husband and I took care of our four nieces and nephews since they were born. Eventually, we put our foot down with thier parents and told them they would either have to keep them permanently or give us full custody when the oldest was about to start kindergarten and the youngest was 2. Even still there was a lot of turmoil with the parents coming in and out until three years later we cut them out completely. With all the drama I feel like I missed out on my babies younger years fighting with their mom and now I feel a deep longing for a baby. I've been pregnant once and lost the baby early on. My husband says I'm crazy, since I have to work 30 hours a week, and take care of our four kids right now, ages 10, 9, 8 and 7. They are so well behaved, and it seems like it would just bring new life, but my husband does have a point...

Answer Question
 
blowingsteam

Asked by blowingsteam at 12:57 PM on Jan. 3, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • honey.. people do it all the time. your not crazy if you want one of your OWN which is completely understandable then do it!! :) and enjoy this one!! my mom had five while working 40+hours a week and did fine
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:01 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I am a single mother to five. Work full time. Pay my bills. Spend ample time with my munchkins. I love every minute of it. :)
    MomShawn70

    Answer by MomShawn70 at 1:03 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • These are your OWN kids now. I know you long to be pregnant, but if youre already working 30 hours a week and taking care of that many kids, I just don't think you should put yourself under that much stress. Once its done...its done. YOu can't quit and you can't burn out. Maybe work towards changing your lifestyle a bit where you can devote more time to being a mom. That many kids makes it really hard to work outside the home and still spend quality time with each one. What if one of them has major issues at school and needs to be homeschooled for awhile? There are just too many scenarios. I think that you should have a baby at some point if you desire, but now just doesnt seem like the right time if your so obligated in other areas. Dont' look at these kids as adopted....They are yours.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 1:25 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Yes, I see what you are all saying...I know I can have more kids...as many as I want, but I do want to do a REALLY GOOD job raising my kids. I want to know them and be involved in their lives. And in response the the statement above, I did have to take my oldest out of school and put him in a charter school that allows 2 days of homestudy....So yeah, this has been a stressful year just because of that. I can't imagine other stuff. And those nights when I am exhausted on the couch I love the fact that they are now old enough to get their own drinks from the kitchen and put their dishes away. So that's all very logical, yes, but I can't stop thinking about being pregnant and having a baby for a few years. Just letting the world stop for a moment and having a baby.
    blowingsteam

    Answer by blowingsteam at 1:32 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • your husband is just tramatized with the experiance he has had. nothing is wrong with you wanting to have a baby of your own.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:58 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • You sound just like me. I'm 24, I have guardianship of my three nephews 13, 9, 7, and I have DD who is 1. We are TTC #2. I stay at home now because I really do need to. It is a personal decision having more children, only you know what you can handle. For me it makes sense to have another baby now because I am ready to be done with pregnancy, childbirth and babies. I LOVE kids but babies are so hard. Once all of the kids are in school I will be able to go back to work if I choose to. I totally understand your desire to be a good mom to these kids, I know I wouldn't be able to do all of this with babies if I had to work. I wouldn't be nearly as effective.
    mlregalado

    Answer by mlregalado at 2:02 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I have 4 kids. I think you should go for it! You have given those kids a blessing by making them your own. But, you have missed out on something that you have the right to experience! If you can afford it, and you have the love and desire, then those previous kids should not be a stumbling block to your own biological child. That is too big a sacrifice, and I believe that as they age they will respect the decision that you made. Not to have a child that is "yours", but to add another child and experience it from the beginning. Best wishes.
    Scimecamommy

    Answer by Scimecamommy at 2:23 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I think it would be a blessing.
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 2:54 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I think you should go for it. Your older children are just that, older. No one is in diapers, they are all pretty self sufficient as you said. The younger two you might have to remind them to brush their teeth and take a shower, but they can even help you with the baby or while you're pregnant. My sister had her second baby after her son was already 8, and wow, he is such a helper and he loves it. I think your children would enjoy having a baby around too. They are so close in age that none of them got experience having a baby around, they were little ones themselves. If it's really what you want . . . then do it, you have already proven to yourself that you're the best mother you can be, why not bless another little one with you love!
    BridgetC140

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 5:44 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.