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Talking with my daughter

Well i was just having a normal convo. with my daughter im 36 and shes 14 turning 15 and she was telling me about how all of her other friends have parents who are in their 50s and tells me its cool having a hip parent. I dont know if this is weird for me to be a little afraid of but my daughter said she wants to have a baby at 19 or 20. No effence at all to any of the other mothers this young but i want her to go finish college and everything before a baby and not have any financial issues. Also i dont want her to then go out and look for love thinking "Oh this will be my babys daddy" Can any other moms relate to this or think im crazy for being scared sort of?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Jan. 3, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (7)
  • I forgot to add the reason she wants a baby young is so that the baby will have young hip parents like she does

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Nope you are not crazy at all!! I had a baby at 20 and it was sooo hard! I didn't even realize how hard it was until I had another baby at 26. My second baby has been a totally different experience. I love my children more than they will ever know, but my first child could have waited.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I think you are just being a good mom.....You should talk to her about what you are thinking so she knows that being the youngest possible parent isn't always the best idea. It is great that she sees you as a successful mom, though! Obviously you have done a lot of things right! But she is at an impressionable age and she sees you as young and hip but maybe without being aware of what it is like to struggle as a young parent with a baby..... So, talk to her and let her know what you think about all of it.

    Answer by BJoan at 4:30 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I don't think this is the end of the world. A lot of young girls think about what an ideal parent would look like. She may have it in her head that for her an ideal mom is someone who has enough energy to run around with a toddler (God knows I feel that way when I am racing after mine - I think, I'm too old for this), looks and dresses in such a way that is not embarrassing, and someone a teen can talk to. It doesn't mean that when the time comes, when she turns 18, she will be looking for that guy she wants to be her children's daddy. I often said things at this age about what I wanted to do...not all of it turned out that way. Even if she does have children at an early age - she is an adult at that point. Tell her your hopes and wishes for her. By the way, even with a child/children she can still live out her dreams. And there is nothing wrong with having the greatest desire to be "just a mom."


    Answer by frogdawg at 8:51 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Tell her that even though you wouldn't go back and change your life you wish for hers to be easier and that it would be if she finished college before having children. I had my son when I was 19 and went to college after he was in school and it took me 8years (6 part time and 2 full time) to get a 4 year degree. I told my son a lot of times that I certainly hope he goes to college before starting a family so he can enjoy the full experience. I mean even simple things like when classmates would get together for a study group at a local restaurant I couldn't go because I was at his hockey practice. On the other hand *don't tell her this part* I had the loudest cheer at graduation:) She can still be young enough to be a hip parent if she waits.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 10:58 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Also show her how hard it is financially too. Take her window shopping and show her how much things are with just the necessities(sp?) My daughter had a "baby think it over" and wow did it do wonders. I absolutley refused to help her when it woke at night, etc. I wanted her to see. Show your daughter how much she would have to pay for living expenses, etc. Take her somewhere and show her, don't just tell her. This day and age she really needs to finish school and further her education. It will be the best thing for her.Tell her she always needs a way to take care of herself.

    Answer by Kat122 at 8:02 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • I talk about this all the time with my son 12 and step-daughter 13. I tell them that they will not even know who they are that young and they should wait until they are 30 before they even think about having children. I was 28 when I had my son and SD's BM was 23. We talk about going to college and finding a job that you will enjoy and then focusing on having a relationship and getting married. They also agree with obstaining from sex until they are married. Boy, I hope I can encourage them to keep these beliefs!

    Answer by sammy12868 at 7:50 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

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