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how can i get my teen to be more grateful of what we give him.

my ex husband and i divorced 3 years ago and my teen always goes to his grandmothers where his dad and girlfriend are staying and basiclly gets his way there and comes home with a chip on his shoulder like he is too good to be here or what they are better off than my husband and i are but we never say no to what he wants i think he just want us to feel guilty that he doesnt have more time over there. he really stresses me out but when they are over there man i miss them so much by the way i also had 2 other boys with him. my now husband and i have a little girl. what do i do he also talks back somwhat.

 
norma1503

Asked by norma1503 at 10:35 PM on Jul. 15, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (11)
  • first, stop giving him things. tell him he's old enough to get a job and earn what he wants. then when he back talks you, tell him 'im your mother. you may not like what i say or even like me but you will listen and be respectful.' if he doesn't, start taking his things and privilages away. and i don't know what kind of relationship you and the ex now have, but maybe you could have him talk to the boy? my cousin will still call her ex husbnad nad tell him "the boy won't cut hte grass. could you talk to him?" and he will. and one day, she called him over the grass and told him that the boy had called her a bitch. so the ex threatened to drag his ass out in the yard and beat it for him since he thought he was man enough to speak to his momma like that. they've been divorced for ten years. the boy is a pretty good kid as a result of this arrangement. good luck...and if all else fails, there's always prozac.
    princezzmommie

    Answer by princezzmommie at 12:56 AM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • Backhand him.

    Just kidding.

    Teens always think they know everything about everything. Have a one on one talk with him.
    cleverusername

    Answer by cleverusername at 10:37 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • Stop giving him things until he can prove he really us grateful. If he treats his stuff like it's junk, take it away from him, again, until he can be grateful for it. We did this with our son, and I still have a problem with him so I just plain don't buy him anything anymore.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 10:41 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • Backtalking & picking up an attitude is fairly normal. As a teen he is old enough to talk about it. When he comes home with an attitude ask him if there is somehting he wants to talk about. If he doesn't want to talk bring it up again when he asks for something. Let him know you are feeling unappreciated. He might give you attitude at the time, but it could get him thinking if you talk to him like an adult when you talk about it.
    nysa00

    Answer by nysa00 at 10:50 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • Take everything away till he understands you will not tolerate his guilt trip and he respects you in your home. when he really see's what having nothing is and means, maybe he will wake up.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 11:27 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • I would say that he is trying to start a competition to see which parent can buy more of his love so try explaining to him that things need to be earned and that love can not be bought or shown by the buying of gifts. If you can get him talking to you he might be more willing to open up about why he does this if you ask him to behave more like an adult. If he wants something have him do chores and so on. If possible talk to his father and see if he experiences the same problems when he is over there. Good Luck with teen boys and God Bless...
    wondermommy5

    Answer by wondermommy5 at 11:40 PM on Jul. 15, 2008

  • Assuming you can, have a talk with his father. Let him know how he's been acting and that it's not ok. My ex and I are usually on the same page with this stuff, so that usually works for me. If you can't talk to him, your son should be old enough to understand, so have a sit down with him. Explain why you can't do the things they do. But, maintain control at the same time. Kids are people too, and actually can be empathetic. I doubt it will solve the problem completely, but he will understand where you come from. As for the backtalk, I think thats the age.... hopefully he'll get over it soon. My oldest is as tall as me and much stronger, but I've cracked him in the mouth once or twice for being extra mouthy. Not hard or hurting him, but it shocked him. He is usually pretty respectful now, or quick to apologize for disrespect.
    drowninginboys

    Answer by drowninginboys at 9:23 AM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • I'd also like to add, I don't beat my kids. The few times I've slapped them were for being extra mean and hurtful. They knew why and know why they shouldn't act that way.... and it's not cuz they are going to get slapped. It was just a sharp reminder.
    drowninginboys

    Answer by drowninginboys at 9:26 AM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • I agree to backhanding...lol its just I deal with this from my younger brother, and honestly...sometimes a little backhand won't hurt, I don't condone the whole belt to the butt thing but i seriously wonder if my generation specifically, would have turned out better if we got smacked around a little bit...maybe half of my graduating class wouldn't have wound up pregnant in high school or in jail.
    AbbysMom059

    Answer by AbbysMom059 at 9:48 AM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • try to talk to his "other family" if you can and let them know that a spoiled child turns into a greedy adult, and thats not what kind of kid you are trying to raise. Then I would have him go through his belongings and come up with 2 garbage bags of USEFULL items he can donate to a childrens organization. Kids who can give, tend to recieve better. good luck.
    ChasesMommy0115

    Answer by ChasesMommy0115 at 12:52 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

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