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Family problem ...need advice

With our 1st son it changed once and that was it! It was going to be Chance to begin with but then at 5.5 months I changed it and now I really want to use it for our second son.
My sister in law lost her baby at 5.5 months or so and they ended up using Chance. (She knew it was on our short list when we having Braiden as well) So, now I feel like I cant name this little one Chance when I really want to. That is why I cant set it stone with any other names we came up with
I did even call her to ask them how they would feel if we used it since it was a top pick last time but had to leave a voicemail -no response. I emailed them and once again nothing. I took it as I was being rude or insensitive about it am I? Or should I use the name?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:25 PM on Jan. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Tricky subject. I don't think that I would use it since they used it on a baby that passed. I would try to be a little more sensitive about this. I understand that this was a name that you had chosen to use before, and I understand that they "stole" the name. But I wouldn't use it. Good luck on whatever you decide

    Answer by coala at 8:29 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • If you like the name then you have the right to use it. No one owns a name. Not even the family members of a deceased child. Believe me - I know. My brother died when I was 12 and I always wanted to name a son after him. My mother had a shit fit. I had to hear it from my sister how incensitive I was being. What I learned is that I am my child's parent and I can bestow on my child any name I feel called to name that child. A name should speak to you and have some meaning to you and to your spouse. If Chance has meaning to you and to your husband then go for it. You are not in control of how others think, feel, and respond. If Chance is just a name you love but has no real history or meaning, you know that it might be hurtful - then perhaps rethink it. I did not name my son after my brother. I regret it. Just know your relationship with your child is the most important relationship you have.

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:31 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I know. I apologized for asking them before but it is the one that keeps coming back to me over and over but I will find another name. I dont want to cause family issues more than that is there before I entered the family! LOL!!

    Answer by hoffmanjam at 8:32 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I probably wouldn't just because you wouldn't want her to feel like you were trying to let your new son take away her sons wouldn't want to have a strained relationship over a name

    Answer by luvsgriffin at 8:33 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Personally I wouldn't use it, to me it does seem insensitive, but then again I would be kinda mad that they used that name and didn't ask you

    Answer by hautemama83 at 8:35 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • cont...So giving the gift of a name is a very big deal. It is your gift to your child. If there is another name that you love and has meaning - give it serious thought. If you know you will regret it then go ahead and do it. But know that while you are not in control of how your in-laws think and respond to this - you do have to live with the consequences. If you are not prepared to live with the potential ramifications then it is better not to. Think about the worst way they are most likely to respond (not returning e-mail and a phone call is kind of a clue) and then think about if you are okay with it. It really does only matter what you think and what you are willing to live with.

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:35 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • cont...By the way - I will name a son after my brother, or a little girl, given another opportunity. I regret not just doing it. It is MY child and my gift to him. No one owns a name until it is a name they were given - then you only own YOUR name.

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:37 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Why not use Chance as a middle name to honor him and you get to use the name as well?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:45 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I'd feel uncomfortable about it. When in doubt, don't. You already are worried about your relatives being hurt. Pick another name.


    Answer by Bmat at 9:11 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • There are so many other names that you can choose from. Chance is not nice, he will be picked on at school, and it will remind your sister in law about her loss each time she hears that name. Try to find a better and more suitable name for your beutiful baby.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:14 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

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