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I just recently moved from the east bay to the L.A. area got married, My Children still live in the bay area and are grown.I have identical twins boys age 18 and a boy 22 years old.My husband is very upset with me because I told him that my boys are the most important thing in my life.He thinks he should be.Am I wrong.I do love my husband very much but he is makeing me feel like I have to choose.My choice would be my children. Please let my no what you think.

 
vectorious1

Asked by vectorious1 at 9:05 PM on Jan. 3, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (17)
  • No contest---kids first. If you have kids from a previous marriage, no man should ever come between you and them and in order for him to be "most important" that would imply that he comes before them. Of course given their age, and the difference between "wants and needs" there shouldn't be too many conflicting demands on your time or attention between the kids and the husband. It shouldn't really come up too often, really. If he is obsessing over it, calm him down. If you are talking about it a lot, realize you don't have to. But bottom line is they are your kids and nothing should ever come between a parent and a child!
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 9:30 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Did he get upset from you just saying that your boys are the most important or has he been getting upset when you actually put the boys before your husband like with scheduling events sharing time etc.?

    Apr1l

    Answer by Apr1l at 9:07 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I know that some will say that this is not right but I believe that my husband is first and then my children. First is because without him i would not have my precious babies. 2nd is when they are grown he is going to be the only one that is still with me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:08 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I can't say your wrong. I feel the exact same way. I love my son's (15 and 17) more than anything also! If I was made to choose.....hmm...let's just say my husband would be disappointed in my answer. I just hope I'm never in the position to have to make that choice but you never know what the future holds. GL : )
    happy2bme7

    Answer by happy2bme7 at 9:08 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Your children. I have been with my BF for 5 yrs. he has no thoughts about my son going first. I am first a mother then a lover/girlfriend. Men come and go, your children are yours for life. He just came into your life, what is his problem? I think he knows how you feel, try not to mtalk about this again.
    Yve538

    Answer by Yve538 at 9:09 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I am with anon 8:08, my husband is first, then children. That is how God designed it. That is my belief. However, my husband respects and loves me so much that he would never put me in a situation where I would have to choose. I am not saying that your DH doesn't love or respect you, just differently.
    Jazak

    Answer by Jazak at 9:14 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Your husband should come first. The husband/wife relationship is the most important. And the reasons are exactly what anonymous said above.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 9:38 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I agree with some above husband first, but luckily my fiancee doesn't make me choose between him and my daughter, but he is my equal he made me whole thats why Im marrying him if we don't have a good marriage everything else falls apart. But me and my fiancee both see our daughter as our most important thing in life together
    HollyRose

    Answer by HollyRose at 9:53 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I HAD TOLD MINE BEFOR WE EVEN GOT MARRIED THAT GOOD FRIENDS ARE 1 IN A MILL.AND I WOULD CHOOSE MY KIDS AND G-KIDS ABOVE ANYMAN .ITS BEEN8 YRS AND SOMETIMES HE THINKS HE NEEDS ATTENTION BUT THERE IS ALWAYS SOMTHING WITH THE KIDS.SO IF HE NEEDS MY UNDIVIDED ATTENTION HE WILL HAVE TO TAKE ME SOUTH FOR A WEEK.THEN HE MIGHT GET IT.....MIGHT

    mom3898

    Answer by mom3898 at 10:03 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • If this is not your kids' father...then yes...your kids come first. From what I gather from your post, this is a new marriage, so not the father of your kids.
    TheDragn01

    Answer by TheDragn01 at 10:23 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

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