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My 3 year old ignores me...

Yes I've heard time and time again that this is normal but I'm just having a really hard time accepting that and "strong willed" is an understatement when describing my 3 year old who DOES NOT listen for anything and just outright ignores us. NOTHING we do helps. It is pushing me to my limits and is causing arguments between me and my husband because I feel like all we ever do is yell and punish our son but NOTHING and I mean NOTHING is helping. If it sounds like I'm going about things all the wrong way it's probably because I am and I have no clue what to do. Anyway I want to take a parenting class, or a counseling course or SOMETHING so that I don't just snap one day because I often feel like I'm going to. I've mentioned it to his doctor, and was just told it was normal, but it's hard to just explain what I mean. Where would I go about looking for someone to help me? IS there a class for this type of thing? I just don't know what to do but I can't go on like this..


Asked by Anonymous at 4:12 PM on Oct. 4, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • (cont)
    triggers their counter-resistance. The more oriented you can be to how what they're doing is valid not "wrong" (even the wrong things, lol--I'm not saying that nothing is a problem or that we "shouldn't do anything about anything," just that what they do is not about right/wrong, it's about what works or doesn't work for you), the more you can tend naturally to join them rather than coming from an adversarial angle. And the more connected they feel, the more their natural cooperation is inspired because they too are oriented TOWARD you, not away from you (or in opposition to you.)
    When you come down on something as wrong, that it shouldn't happen, or that it must stop, a child has a couple of choices. If they are reasonably emotionally healthy & intact (in touch with their own valuing system, not having given it up under pressure to please/obey out of fear), they'll resist the suggestion that their interest is wrong.

    Answer by girlwithC at 7:29 AM on Oct. 7, 2011

  • OOOH.. mommy.. I have a strong willed 3 year old boy.. I get this totally. LOVE AND Logic is a parenting class my DH and I took, recommended by another CM friend, we are taking a refresher course.. LOVE IT!!!!!!!! you should totally look in to it- not that is Magic or anything but it has helped us SO much!

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:20 PM on Oct. 4, 2011

  • when he asks you for something are you a "' just a minute" mom , or when you get around to it mom ? not trying to insult you but my daughter had the same issue with her son and i found by oberving her with him . that he could never count on her to react quickly for his needs that he didnt respond to hers . and by doing the exact opposite of what you want from him he is getting attention ( good or bad children crave attention ) i taught HER her to first respond with his requests appropriately engageing him with helping her ( example help with boxes - your hands were full ) positive reinforcement for good behavior goes A LONG LONG WAY ! my 3 year olds helped with EVERYTHING or i couldnt get anything done .they washed the plastic dishes sitting on the counter next to the sink , folded washclothes and helped with laundry and it helps to get them IN TUNE WITH YOU . and paying closer attention to what you say

    Answer by nanafor5 at 3:02 PM on Oct. 5, 2011

  • A good book for you to read is SHEPHERDING THE HEART OF A CHILD by Dr. Tedd Tripp. Excellent book. Another one you might consider reading is BOUNDARIES FOR CHILDREN by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. The bottom line is that you have to make it painful for your child when he does not show you the proper respect and obedience. It's the only way he will ever learn. Left to his own devices, he will become increasingly more controlling and self-willed. We spanked our children for those two things: disrespect and disobedience, and they have all turned out very well. I think getting away from that has greatly impacted the behavior of the children of today. The earlier you begin to teach these principles, the more peaceful and serene your home will be and the more you will enjoy being a parent to your children. Just remember, parents are to be the ones in control in the home, not the children!

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:18 PM on Oct. 4, 2011

  • explain what you mean by ignoring... is he doing something else at the time and just doesn't change his focus to you? Is he hard of hearing and only listens when you yell? Is he in a phase where he's trying to prove his independence by not doing what he's told? There is a lot of different ways that kids can "ignore" us... explain further please.

    Answer by DreainCO at 4:19 PM on Oct. 4, 2011

  • Here is what I mean by ignoring.

    Example 1) I was cleaning out the hall closet over the weekend looking for a light bulb, when I found one I place it on the table, picked up the boxes to put them away (in other words, my hands were full) when I noticed my son saw the light bulb and was making a bee line for it. I said "please don't touch it, Please Dont Touch It, PLEASE DON'T TOUCH IT!!!" over and over yet he still went right up to it and picked it up.

    Example 2) One of his hobbies is opening the front door. As soon as I see him reach for the locks I say "Please leave it alone" No response, he unlocks it. I say "Hey! I said leave it alone! Please lock it and walk away" Nothing. He opens the door. "Excuse me!!!! I SAID LEAVE IT ALONE!" Nothing. I have to stop what I'm doing EACH time and physically walk over and remove him from the door. he gets a time out for not listening, 5 minutes later he's right back at the door.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:29 PM on Oct. 4, 2011

  • lLol.. I have to laugh because I am there daily.. he needs stronger consequences, time outs don't really work for the "strong willed".. email me if you want to chat.. I don't have all the answers or anything but I can relate to your frustration and can tell you what we've tried.

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:37 PM on Oct. 4, 2011

  • Thanks maxsmom....good to know I am not alone :) I will look into that class!!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:40 PM on Oct. 4, 2011

  • I would suggest giving him ONE verbal warning and then taking action right away. It sounds like you are giving him a bunch of verbal warnings which he is so used to hearing that he is waiting until he knows you mean what you say. So, save yourself some hassle and begin acting right away.

    Also, I would check out Dare to Discipline.

    Finally, does he have any hearing problems?

    Answer by crazy4u49033 at 4:40 PM on Oct. 4, 2011

  • He is definitely NOT hard of hearing!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:43 PM on Oct. 4, 2011