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Why is this?? Has anyone ever noticed that there are moms who do everything "by the book" during preg. that deliver "sick" babies and then moms who do things "wrong" and deliver perfectly healthy babies??

I did everything perfect during my pregnancy. I quti smoking 1 year before I got pregnant (as soon as we started trying), took vitimins as soon as we started trying, never dran a drop of caffine, ate healthy, the whole nine an dmy daughter was born with an "infection", or high white blood cells and a heart murmur. She spent 4 days at the hospital hitched up to wires and was on a heart rate machine in the nursery and couldnt even be in my hospital room with me. She also had an IV and had blood drawn like 6 times. WTF! I felt like such a failure, I tried so hard to make sure she was perfect. Then you see moms that smoke during the whole preg.(I know it could be worse), which leads me to the moms who do drugs, drink alcohol and so on and they have perfectly healthy babies. Why is this? Luck?


Asked by asholan_07 at 9:08 PM on Jan. 3, 2009 in Pregnancy

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Answers (8)
  • They say that God takes care of children and fools so the mother's who are being foolish enough to continue to partake in their selfish behaviors have both of those bases covered. It's just the tests that God gives. I had my son at 30 wk and I did everything as well as I could and I remember rooming with a mother who would ship her child off asap. I remember feeling my heart ache for that child b/c of how desperately I would have loved to have my own in the room with me. My son is now 18 months and happy and healthy and everyday I pray the same for that nameless, faceless child.

    Answer by micrespo at 10:01 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Oh yeah, my daughter is very smart and healthy now and almost 2, it was just when she was born that still has me stumped. I just dont see what I could have done wrong.

    Answer by asholan_07 at 9:09 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Uhhhh I suggest you travel further down the line here and read the post from the mother who is seeking prayers for her child. Not self blame and pity.. but prayers. I think your daughter will be fine, God willing... Let's pray for the other mom who isn't as lucky as you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:10 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I think first and for most you need to realize that you are not a failure. There are so many reasons why things can happen during labor and to babies and mothers. It is not any ones fault it is just they way it is.

    Second, people are very different and just because someone does all the right things it does not mean that things will be perfect because nothing is perfect. There are people in this world who do everything right and the end up with cancer, while someone else might smoke their whole lives and never get it.

    Try to stay positive and love your child and yourself. I hope that your DD is doing well and that you have many great years with her.

    Good Luck

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 9:13 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • It may seem that moms who do "bad things" and have healthy babies are just lucky or then moms who do everything by the book have "bad things"'s called life. It's not fair to anyone reguardless of what they did or didn't do right. Some things can be genetic so the most normal pregnancy can have the worst outcome. I'm the mom to 4 boys, I smoked with all 4(cut way back) but never stopped. All my kids are healthy but my youngest is a Little Person(still healthy). That had nothing to do with me smoking, it was a genetic mutation. As far as I'm concerned...he's the cutest little big boy in the world! My can not control everything and I think "bad things" happen so people understand that. I'm sorry to hear about your baby.....good luck to you!

    Answer by how_reb at 9:19 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I like "how_reb"s response ... it's life.

    It's like when someone who is a good person dies tragically and a murderer lives free ... Or when someone is killed by a drunk driver, but the drunk lives on ...

    Sometimes life isn't fair ... at least your daughter is well now ...

    Answer by ap9902 at 9:27 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I dont' think it's the way you described it.. Mom's who do everything by the book get sick children and Mom's who are more laid back have healthy children... All different kinds of mom's have different children with different dissablities or health. I think some mom's might feel that way because they did everything they could, but it's not like that. I was more laid back. I never smoked or drank. Didn't always take my vitamins and ate like crazy. I had a healthy baby boy. Someone like me might have had a baby with autism. You just can't place a general statement on something like this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:54 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • There is no such thing as "following the book" many many years ago there where no such thing.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:55 PM on Jan. 3, 2009