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Boundries of a soon to be.

I have been with my now fiancee for 4 1/2 years, we have a 6 month old daughter and are still very happy. We are young 19 & 20. I have a wacked out in laws, he's a momma's boy and thinks he owes his life to his sister (they were separated when they were young) I don't want to break that up. I feel that they're too controling but I feel like somethings are off limits to me since we're not married. Should I give them my two cents anyway or leave it until after the wedding? I think I have the upperhand on them because he takes my side on disagreements. But we don't live together and I feel they're always in his ear, putting ideas in his head. What should I do? Thanks in advance for the advice ladies. Love Always.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:11 PM on Jan. 3, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Definitely talk about things, with him, before you head down the aisle. And I would NOT confront your future in-laws about this. It will only create controversy and you don't need that with a baby and planning a wedding.

    Honestly, you have to be able to live with your in-laws. Ask youself this ... can you continue loving your fiancee if things WERE NOT to change with his family? Can you live happily with your child having a relationship with his family if things WERE NOT to change with his family?

    Sometimes I think us women try to change our men before we get married ... IT ISN'T POSSIBLE! And you can't change his family ... you will only create drama if you do ...

    Anyhow, JMO ...
    ap9902

    Answer by ap9902 at 9:23 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • If you are planning on marrying him then I think you have every right to speak your mind. You should come before all of them if you are his wife.
    asholan_07

    Answer by asholan_07 at 9:13 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • DONT DO IT I WAS MARRIED AT 19 AND IT TOTALLY SUCKS
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:15 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • This is something you will want to talk about before hand, just bring it up as concerns that you have. Tell him you want to know where he's at, how he sees things being with his family once your married, etc.
    dedicatedrider

    Answer by dedicatedrider at 9:18 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Just wanted to add, don't go into marriage expecting your fiancee to change his ways, or that you'll change him. It's not that he may not, but your best off marrying him for who he is today, not who you'll hope he'll change to be! I also got married at 19, I love being married, it's not all easy, there are ups and downs, but I love it!
    dedicatedrider

    Answer by dedicatedrider at 9:22 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I was married at 18.. To a momma's boy.. You really need to talk things out... We have been together for 6 years and of those 6 years I hve beeen very unhappy about 5 of them... Thanks to his mommy and her input... You need to make sure he understand when you marry that it's the two of you not the three of you..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:09 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I am married at 19. We have been together for over 4 years. There is hope to be happy but you need to talk to everyone first before you get married! Let him know how you feel so you do not have to start off your marriage by fighting! Good Luck!!
    Aidansmom2728

    Answer by Aidansmom2728 at 10:13 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • You need to ask yourself why you want to marry a momma's boy. Do you see your fiance as being weak and easily controlled? If you are able to take momma's place as the queen bee, will you respect a man like that?

    If he is not really a momma's boy and is just young and unsure of the future then you should really try to maintain good relations with his family. Starting out this marriage with him stuck in the middle of a power struggle between a wife and a mother is not going to make the start of your marriage pleasant.

    You need to talk to him and let him deal with his family issues and you should stay out of it. It will be much more pleasant for you in the long run.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:33 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Does gettomg married give you a free ticket to give your two cents? If you're unhappy with things now, you're going to be after the wedding too. You need to be comfortable enough to offer your thoughts and feelings on things with the people you care about and family. If you've not got the right to your opinion, then what do you have? I wouldn't wait till after the wedding, because then it's too late, you're legally in there so be upfront about things now, at least with your man.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:25 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I would def say speak your mind and him taking ur side is def a good thing. I say when you get married you marry the whole fam but good luck.
    seasnakesc

    Answer by seasnakesc at 11:46 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

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