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Where did the LOVE go?

My husband and I have be together for ten years, married for three.We tried to have a baby for two years now we finally have a baby girl after IVF. Since the baby my husband and I have become distant he ignores me all the time. He always has something to do even when he dose'nt. He dosent want to help me with her. We don't even have sex really any more, mostly because I don't feel connected to him anymore. I talk to him about it but he just thinks I'm crazy. Is this a stage? What should I do? I MISS MY BEST FRIEND!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:20 PM on Jan. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • He may feel, even subconsciously, that the baby is now your best friend. Be sure to give him all of your attention when the baby is asleep. Fix what he likes to eat, ask his opinion about things. Make him feel in charge and in control. Probaby when the baby is older and responds more to him, he'll understand better that she belongs to him, too. Don't pressure him. Just be gentle and loving.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:25 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Read the book "5 languages of love", it may just be that he is not feeling loved, not b/c you are not showing it, but it may not be in a way that he perceives as love.
    Jazak

    Answer by Jazak at 9:30 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • This happens to guys,I've read other posts about men doing this.I figure it's alot of emotions for a man to go through,there's several things going on. I think it's either he's jealous of the new baby taking your time away from him and that you experienced motherhood ,he's jealous in a way that you carried a baby in you,like he missed out on that.Then there's the macho man who thinks he's better than a woman for some reason and when he see's a woman with a baby he thinks she's vulnerable and he feels powerful by manipulating you with his negative attitudes.
    countingsparows

    Answer by countingsparows at 9:39 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I really hurt my fiance by being wrapped up in the baby. He might feel as though you are neglecting him. MEN ARE BABIES TOO. They need just as much attention as a newborn. If the baby's old enough get a relative to babysit and go out or get a room for the night. He will apperciate the undivided attention
    Zarviemom19

    Answer by Zarviemom19 at 9:40 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • Tell him you miss him. It is a little normal to feel disconnected because the baby needs attention. Talk about old times before the baby. Pull out the wedding pictures and go down memory lane. Make sure it isn't any other woman. Hope it's not, but sometimes it is.
    Godswk

    Answer by Godswk at 10:02 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

  • I think it's a normal thing. We're so preoccupied with the baby and some of us don't include them in most of it (for whatever reason). Could it have anything to do with the reason for the IVF? When I tried really hard to have a baby and couldn't on my own, I felt like I was letting my hubby down. I hated having to resort to medication (clomid/provera) to help me get pregnant. I felt like a failure. I don't know what the reason is, but if it's possible that he feels like he let you down, talk to him, assure him, and thank him for the great lengths you both had to go to, to have that wonderful blessing (I'm assuming you were implanted with his sperm).
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:18 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

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