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what would you do?

i just got out of an abusive relationship with my husband..we have a 7 month old daughter...he never comes around to see her or calls to check on her...i feel so bad i feel like its my fault that my daughter has to suffer from not having a father..he is too worried about doing his drugs..intstead of seeing her...its so depressing what should i do?

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Asked by haylinn1019 at 1:38 AM on Jan. 4, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • I don't think there is anything you can do. So sorry:( I just think he is going to have to come around when he makes the choice himself. He will regret this later.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • Let him go. I've been in your shoes except that I'm now married to a wonderful man who has taken all of us into his heart and home. I've done my level best to keep my kids' father in their lives, but he can't be bothered. He hasn't seen them since August, and he refuses to pay child support.

    There's a saying that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. In this case, that means that if he doesn't want to be in your daughter's life, there's nothing you can do about it.

    Answer by rhope4 at 1:41 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • "he is too worried about doing his drugs..intstead of seeing her"

    Please re-read that sentence you wrote, and tell me where this is YOUR fault?

    Now, stop that. NOT your fault. And you probably should thank your lucky stars he stays away. Who knows what kinds of "friends" might come looking for him?

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:41 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • Don't you feel bad in the least! It is not your fault. And furthermore, you did the best think you could do for your daughter by removing her from the drug abuse environment. Trust me, you did the right thing. She does not need a father like that. Hopefully one day you will meet someone who will love you both and be the father figure that she needs. You've given you both the opportunity for that to happen.

    Answer by hopelessnance at 1:48 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • Honey, a lot of times God is trying to pull us away from situations and or people that we are trying to hold onto. Count it all joy that you got out of that relationship. THAT'S NOT good for your baby! Many women (like myself) raise their kids on their own...and so can you! I'm not sure where your faith is, but if you are a Believer then it's time to talk to your heavenly Father. Don't be depressed, be relieved, and know that there IS a light at the end of this tunnel....

    Be blessed Luv and know that this too shall pass...


    Answer by KXDESIGNS at 1:48 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • Count your blessings that he isn't interested in her while he's mixed up in other things now.

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 2:03 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • You and your daughter are better off without him around until he cleans up. If that never happens, then so be it.

    A bit of advice: never talk bad about your ex in front of your daughter. Never deny her seeing him. If she asks, try to get in touch with him even if you know he won't care. Your daughter will remember that you tried to let her see her father and will learn what he is really like. If you were to bad talk him, she will remember that and possibly blame you for never seeing him when she gets older. Children learn to judge the character of people very quickly, even as toddlers. She will figure him out on her own.

    Answer by casperskitty at 2:34 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • Nothing. You shouldn't want a drug abuser/wife abuser to be around your infant. People change sometimes, if he cleans up in the future and wants to be a dad, let him. Good luck!!

    Answer by shmorris56 at 2:35 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • The baby is OK without that kind of father.

    You need some counseling - fast. Do you have the support of your family?

    Answer by Wimsey at 4:19 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • Well if he is like you say you should feel lucky he is staying away... she and you are better off!!

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 5:48 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

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