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what does my man mean when he says he doesnt wanted to be needed

my statement ti him first was i love you and need you and this is what he replied i dont want to be needed,, thats after 23 years of marriage :((

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:56 AM on Jan. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)

  • Unless he thought you were talking dirty ;) and he didnt want to? lol
    He was probally just having a bad day! OF COURSE HE NEEDS YOU! Duh..
    and if he doesnt, then stop cookin and cleaning and doing stuff for him
    THEN he will need you!

    Answer by ReadyToRage at 2:01 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • Sometimes when you say "I need to you" to someone you care about it can make them feel as though you are dependent on them, rather than wanting to be with them. My husband and I have had several conversations about this topic and we both agree that there is a difference between "wanting" someone and "needing" someone. I personally think that men in particular are bothered by someone who appears to be clingy, needy, and dependent (I am NOT saying you are that way, this is just my observation). After 23 years of marriage, maybe its time to spice things up a bit, and let him know how much you appreciate and love him, instead of needing him. Good luck!

    Answer by littlejreece at 2:12 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • I would take that as he wants an independent woman. He doesn't want to be relied on. JMO, but remember that can be a two way street:)

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • is he depressed? are you able to support yourself with out? Maybe he wants you to be able to care for yourself,house,kids,cars,etc with out his help (he wants you to be depend)

    after my 1st husband and I spilt up and he moved across the US from me (I lived in GA and he moved to CA) I was able to care for myself and our 18 month old son (rent,household bills,etc) my ds daycare was $240.00 a month and I got $250.00 from my EX.Tell ya what,I could change my spark plugs in less the 10 min,with a white shirt on and still be on time for work LOL!

    Answer by SherriX2 at 2:16 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • Rather than guessing, ask him.

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:37 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • "I would take that as he wants an independent woman." I would have to agree with that Mom above who posted that answer. I am 28, and I have never told a guy that I needed them. Need them for what? Now, you are married, and of course you too "need" one another...but what I've learned so far is that men love independent women. Well, at least some men do. Even in a marriage, I'd suppose, that you shouldn't let your right hand know what your left hand is doing...Your hubby consciously knows you "need" him...there are certain things that seem impossible to get done w/o him around...But telling him that kind of breaks his level of manhood as oppose to marring the independent woman he did years ago...(making any sense here:/)?


    Answer by KXDESIGNS at 3:58 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • cont.--So, either he was having a rough day and that was the last thing that he wanted to hear...he was being a meany, and or, he just wants his independent woman back on the scene who needs him, but shows no sign of the necessary "need"...just the "want"!

    God's blessings to you on this one Luv..



    Answer by KXDESIGNS at 3:59 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • Well mine was always really pissed off when i said I didnt need him and at the time i didnt think i did I was content being on my own and now that we are REALLY together and i do need him he acts the same way like he doesnt want to be needed!!! Men are F**ked up thats all i have to say!!

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 5:34 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • im independent for the most part. I want my man but i dont actually need him for anything. i can provide everything but a nice sweet kiss for myself. but i think he needs me. weird - huh? needing someone is scary & puts alot of pressure on the needed person, i know that how i feel. if our relationship was based on a "wanting" instead of a "needing", i think id feel like the relationship was more real. On a "needing" relationship, the relationship is superficial, doesnt make me feel very secure as he could move on easily if/when someone else could provide for his needs better comes along. im not sure if im explaining the insecurities "needs" are in a relationship. he maybe misunderstanding your meaning. talk to him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:20 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • Maybe he doesnt want you to rely on him so much (if he supports you completely and who you are revolves around him) If that's the case maybe he feels all the weight is on his shoulders

    Answer by Krystle21 at 2:43 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

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