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Best dicipline for a boy, 8 years old with ADHD

My "step-son" is 8 years old and has ADHD, he is on medication that calms him down, but we still have problems with him lying, (to cover his ass) and listining, (he hears us, looks right at us but does not do what he is asked) he is not rebellious by any means, and not mean, he is a very good kid most of the time, but it seems like we have 2 repeat ourselves several times and usually YELL b4 he does what he is asked. he is always being "grounded" for not listning, but it does not seem to help. is there anything else that would work better? I need some REAL advice about how to deal with ADHD.

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sarahlu

Asked by sarahlu at 1:17 PM on Oct. 7, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 14 (1,502 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Put that energy to good use...whenever he has to be told twice....it is 5 push ups (or more if he can). If he complains...just tell him once he does what he is asked, he won't have to do them anymore. I know it sounds like the military, but it is a great way to discipline kids that age :-) Even rebellious ones...thatnkfully that is not what you have though
    cupcake2819

    Answer by cupcake2819 at 1:27 PM on Oct. 7, 2011

  • lying at this age is normal behavior to avoid the consequences and isn't generally related to the ADHD.
    as to the listening that is affliction related.
    he may look right at you but have difficulty processing the data.

    have you tried asking him to repeat the instruction? this often aides in processing capabilities.
    IMHO- yelling is counter productive because if the child isnt processing all he really knows is he's getting yelled at, not really the reason Why.

    With this disorder, as the adult- we have to accept that we are going to have to repeat ourselves Alot and Often. Try lists to help train him on how to deal with his condition.

    Yes, it is frustrating and sometimes we may feel as if the child is doing it on purpose but generally, they are not.
    Yes, I deal with this on a regular basis and my son a 14 yo non medicated ADD child.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 1:38 PM on Oct. 7, 2011

  • My son is an unmedicated 8 year old with ADHD. We have enrolled him i tae kwon do, which he attends a class three days a week and tournaments 4 times a year (as long as he is doing well not only in class but at home and school, too), we take privileges away from him (computer, games, tv, mp3 player, toys, etc.) and he has to earn them back. He has chores he is expected to do every day. And when all else fails, he gets push-ups, has to run laps around the house or the field outside, or something of that nature. It is good for him and he hurts afterwards (muscle soreness always leaves a lasting impression), so he usually thinks twice before doing something like that again. He is one stout little 8 year old. And can do nearly 100 push-ups with out stopping.
    QueenMomma2023

    Answer by QueenMomma2023 at 2:20 PM on Oct. 7, 2011

  • I have more questions. I also suggest that positive is better than negative. It is difficult, with a child on medication to determine when medication is the problem or when it is defiance. I would ask him to repeat the direction. I would also set up a reward system that is visible, so he can see how close he is to earning a reward - extra tv, extra computer time, etc., to help him see how he is doing. I would always refrain from yelling - yelling never works as a solution. Develop a schedule of chores, use magnets to show when he does his chores.
    dreamalong

    Answer by dreamalong at 5:17 PM on Oct. 7, 2011

  • I use 1-2-3 Magic with my ADHD son, and I always give instructions at eye level and ask him to repeat them back. (Or, I ALWAYS do it when I remember... but if I want to be sure he'll do something, I have to, because otherwise, even if he's looking right at me, sometimes his brain is not engaged).
    DDDaysh

    Answer by DDDaysh at 5:51 PM on Oct. 7, 2011

  • Lying and ADHD is common. Very. So is hearing but not really processing. If this is the case talking to his doctor about tweaking his medication is most appropriate. This is the "inattentive" part to ADHD. Yelling and punishment will get you no where and damages self esteem and can cause anxiety and depression. Which then causes increased irritability, outbursts, and more lying. One trick: one direction at a time. Walk over to him, hand on his shoulder, make eye contact, and give a direction. Then assist with the follow through. Giving transitional warnings are helpful. Such as setting tge microwave for ten minutes, when it goes off walk over and remind him it's bedtime, and then do guided directives with the shoulder and eye contact method. Also some CBT and brief family therapy is helpful. This is less about him and more about how do you help him manage this disorder.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:04 PM on Oct. 7, 2011

  • Not to mention screening for an auditory processing disorder which seems to go often with ADHD. He may not be able to actually process right away what you are saying. There are so many good "tricks" to use. Television and video games tend to decrease cognitive functioning greatly in children who live with ADHD. So chosing what types of entertainment is important because it can increase difficulty. And if he has trouble sleeping, as many kids with ADHD do, it can also be disruptive to processing and functioning during the day. ADHD is NOT simple. Most want it to be but I never was one who thought so.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:11 PM on Oct. 7, 2011

  • You are not saying what you mean and meaning what you say (very important!). You don't want him to listen, you want him to obey. You have been trying to use punishment and it doesn't work. So you keep using punishment even though it doesn't work. What punishment does is makes kids lie, sneak, have worse behavior, and resent people in authority. You need to learn some parenting skills (discipline) that are not punishment based. Stop the repeating, stop the grounding. If you want him to do something tell him to do it. If he doesn't do it go over to him and get him and supervise him doing it. Don't tell him to do something if it isn't important to follow up.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 6:10 AM on Oct. 9, 2011

  • There should be STEP or PET courses in your community for parents of kids with ADHD or other mental health issues. The book How to Talk so Kids Will Listen is great. You can do it. I was a single parent with a son with bipolar disorder and two other sons.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 6:17 AM on Oct. 9, 2011

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