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10 year old w/attitude

My oldest is turning 10 this month. For the past year he has developed a terrible attitude, no longer talks if he doesn't get his way, he yells. He can be so considerate one day and down right mean the next. We have taken things away, made his bed time earlier, grounded him, and followed through w/all punishments. Are their other parent's out there w/the same problem. Is this a phase in his development?

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JenA83

Asked by JenA83 at 8:59 AM on Jan. 4, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (10)
  • Ugh, I feel for you Jen my 11 year old has the same sort of attitude, he is not respectful to adults, he continually has I want or can I have or do coming out of his mouth. His father and I don't encourage his behavior and have no idea where his anger is coming from....

    First I think its just the way his brain ticks, next I think its just a phase, a long hard phase.....

    We have been doing all of the same punishments that you are doing as well and he doesn't seem to care, go figure.

    I think this may have something to do with puberty.
    Hang in there.
    dk
    deenakate

    Answer by deenakate at 10:45 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • Oh do I hear you! I keep telling myself it is a stage in their development.
    But! I have found one thing that works really well for the yelling/whining/screeching thing. I just won't look at my daughter in the eyes, I won't acknowledge she said anything, Like I didn't even hear her. She will exhaust herself trying to get my attention. Once she throws a fit and finally gives up - I will explain to her that her tone of voice/yelling/screeching/whining hurts my ears and I can't hear what she says when she talks like that. Now before she gets immediately bent out of shape she will actually think - then speak in a more regulated tone and temperment.

    Try it!
    sweetpea_me1

    Answer by sweetpea_me1 at 12:13 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • Well, I can't say what I would do with my own child, but my husband has some very troubled brothers. What I usually do, is make them sit down and they are not allowed to go anywhere until they are ready to talk in a calm, adult manner. I find that all they seem to want is to be treated as adults and I explain that adults sit and talk about what bothers them. Then I just pay attention to them like their newest pimple is a very serious adult issue lol. Because I know to them, it is. I can't say that will work with your son as all kids are different, but it's how I get them to behave.
    medmaster2006

    Answer by medmaster2006 at 5:35 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • yes it is a stage and it's a difficult stage for both parents and child. Show him how to behave. When he acts out ask him how he would feel if you spoke to him or treated him with such disrespect? Once you bring it to their attention they sometimes will correct themselves. I remember asking my children when they yelled at me if they were sure they wanted to address me like that. I gave them a moment to think about it and rephrase. If after that moment they didn't rephrase I asked if they were really wanting the consequence of that disrespectful behavior. They always rephrased or expressed themselves in a more calm manner. I will listen to what kids have to say but I refuse to be yelled at. You can always walk away ignoring their bad behavior. It's important to remind them who is the adult. I never had to punish them but I did correct them a lot!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:35 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • admckenzie that is a great idea, I think that I'll try that on my 11 year old daughter. My husband is her step father and oh my gosh does she not like him. He does care about her but he's had it with her. She says one little thing wrong now a days and he starts yelling at her and then grounds her for 1, 2 or 3 weeks. I'll tell you what, yelling and screaming doesn't effect her at all and neither does grounding her especially to her bedroom. It's so rediculus I can't stand it. Anyways, that is a great idea. Thanks and I'll definitly try that one on her. Hopefully the fighting in my house will stop. Or at least get better.
    Tanya
    vptanya

    Answer by vptanya at 11:16 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • My son is 10 and while he has a little bit of attitude he knows when to express it and when not to. I give him his space if he needs to vent but other then that no I don't have any problems
    MrsTGray

    Answer by MrsTGray at 7:33 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • We spank and ground at our house when attitude is unaccceptable.
    surobb

    Answer by surobb at 7:39 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • That is so funny (spanking). I only spanked my kids a few times... ever. I got so fed up with my 11 year old son's attitude the other day and I spanked him and I swear, it was almost a joke. I did it in front of a group of friends and I know it embarrased him!!! But I needed to do it harder cause it seriously was funny.
    ryansmathmom

    Answer by ryansmathmom at 10:50 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • I grew up spanked, and eventually that didn't work anymore. That is not the solution. it didn't teach me anything. I just blocked it out mentally while it was happening and never gave much thought to it. When my sons give me attitude they lose what they love most.-TV.
    kimitzoe

    Answer by kimitzoe at 4:47 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Spanking worked for my parents and it works for me. That's not to say it's for every parent and kid, but it's worth a try.
    surobb

    Answer by surobb at 9:47 PM on Feb. 3, 2009

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