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When asking advice to correct a mistake, how to stay on topic?

It's hard enough to find direction to correct a mistake (or even about life). If I already understood my mistake well enough not to repeat, how do I ask for help without getting my nose rubbed in repetitive hindsight?

I keep saying "I understand what I've done, I just need some direction on what to do from here on out". I keep getting statements like "Just don't do that again" to "Why did you do that?". If I'm not already stressed about the consequences of a mistake, these needless circular statements cause more tension (even if the listener is "Just trying to help"). I'm to the point that I no longer open myself to discussion, especially when the listener's answer to the original question is "I don't know what to do about that". (Not here on Cafemom, but in everyday discussion.)

Answer Question

Asked by BlueSaphire at 9:42 AM on Jan. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Level 21 (11,698 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • If you've learned from your mistake(s), then why do you find to move on or distance yourself from the people, places, or things that remind you of your mistakes? The best way to put the past in the past and move forward is to do just that. Sometimes mistakes will be constant reminders (such as having to deal with the father of your child when you are no longer together), but that is part of growing up and maturing. If someone says something to you, just ignore it, don't keep the issue alive by inviting more discussion. If you don't keep feeding the issue it will soon die.

    Answer by LoriKeet at 10:36 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • I am not sure what you are looking for, especially without details. What kind of mistake did you make?

    Answer by happi-ladi at 11:20 AM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • I am not sure of what mistake(s) you have made.  I do know that you need to acknowledge what you did wrong apologize forgive yourself and move forward.  It would be a good ideal to talk to a therapist and get down to the issues and figure out why you are making these mistakes.  As far as I am concerned everyone has made some kind of mistake in their life.  Learn from your mistake and move on.


    Answer by mommiedear at 12:46 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • I think you need to reword what your asking of the person.. do you want more comfort, then you need to open yourself to it, do you want support, religious advice, etc, it's in the wording that should help you get more the responses you want.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:17 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • i think we need to hear the mistake made to help with an answer

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 7:46 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

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