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WHEN WILL THE LOSS OF MY SON GET BETTER------

HE DIED IN CAR ACCIDENT ON OCT 24 O8-SEEMS LIKE YESTDAY--HELP ME

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ilovezl

Asked by ilovezl at 12:06 PM on Jan. 4, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (13)
  • I haven't experience the loss of a child, but my cousin died in a crash on 10-29. My aunt is having a hard time with it. I think the best thing is to get back into a routine, live for the rest of your family and do something to honor your son's life. There are a lot of groups here to help you, and you can also journal to get some grief out. So sorry for your loss.
    RugersMommy06

    Answer by RugersMommy06 at 12:11 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • (hugs) i don't have any answers,I am sorry.All I can do is suggest stuff, knowing it just has to hurt...Grief counseling or groups,not just online but in the real world.Surround yourself w/family and friends that allow you to talk/cry/scream/laugh/whatever about your son.The loss of a parent is not the same as the losss of a child but I thought I was dying-still do some days.I try to surround myself w/people who love me and I can count on to know that right now-I am not myself.I am this crazy,grief driven person who feels so alone and sad I could scream.I hope something, somewhere helps.I am so so sorry mama.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 12:12 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • As bad as my own loss hurts I didn't have years with the son I lost. My Mother however lost my brother at 29. She finally found a grief support group that helped her find other who knew exactly what she was feeling. She found a great deal of support and comfort there. You never get 'over' it. In time you learn to move forward in your life. Your loss is very fresh and recent. Give yourself some time. I will keep you close in thought and prayer.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 12:48 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • I dont know if you believe in God or not but I do and this answer will be reflecting that lol

    anyhow I personally think that as parents God makes it impossiable to imagine what it would be like to losse a child unless we are in that spot so i am not even going to pretend that i understand what you are going through, however my 17yr old cousin was killed by a drunk driver in aug 07, i know for his parents this has been the most trying year and a half, one of my uncles friends lost a child about 11 years ago, and i know the week following my cousins death my uncle asked his friend (at the time it had been 10 yrs for him) "when does it stop hurting?" and his friend said "i'll let you know when i know"
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 12:50 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • continued....
    i know something that has helped my family through this tragic event, including my aunt and uncle and my cousin (the sister of the one killed) has been our faith in God and knowing that Gerran (my cousin) was called up for something important, something that has helped alot also as been a group called Casting Crowns if you would like i can send you the lyrics to a song that has helped us more then we knew a song would ever be able to help. just PM me and I'll send it to you.
    No parent should ever have to burry their child EVER and when it does happen you have to understand that it takes a very long time to get over, my aunt was killed by a drunk driver (my family takes a pretty big stand on drinking and driving0 it was my cousin on my mom's side and my aunt on my dads side but anyhow my aunt was killed 20 something years ago and my grandparents and my dad and his siblings are still dealing with that lose
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 12:58 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • So if you son just passed away in October 08 then you still have a long hard road ahead of you My aunt and Uncle said Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years of 07 were the hardest, starting that first whole year without him ya know? I know not a day goes by that i dont think about my cousin (i didnt know my aunt so kinda a dfferent effect ya know) But those thoughts have to be worse for my aunt and uncle PM me anytime dear God Bless you and your family You are all in my prayers
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 1:00 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • The healing process is different for everyone. You are the one who decides that your done mourning a loss. It's okay to miss your child. Crying is a healing process & realizing that you need others to help you get through this hard time are ways to lift yourself. As a daughter, I know my mother would miss me dearly but, I would not want to know that she spends all her time hurting because I'm no longer here. Your son celebrated his time here on earth & now he's celebrating in a different place. You shared wonderful times with your son & should share those memories with everyone, I'm sure they would love to here them & this would be good for you. I wish that I could give you comfort but, you will be with your son again. My father past away a few years back but, not long ago. I talk to him everyday, knowing that he is there, still loving me & knowing that I will get to be with him when my time on earth is done.

    onespecialmom

    Answer by onespecialmom at 1:01 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • sry i thought i was done but reading the posts above mine i def agree with the support group, my grandmother and my aunt and uncle have said one of the hardest parts have been their friends and even family have to a point abandond them, meaning ppl around them dont know what to say so they dont even call, my uncle and aunt had a couple they have been friends with for years since my cousin was problaby 3 or 4 and they use to do everything together down to family vacations and they stopped calling them, and ppl dont realize that it is ok to not know what to say but still be there, others didnt want to talk about my cousin, his sister told me at the service she was so glad i was there because her and i talked about memories from when we were little and nobody else would talk about him with her like he was never even here and that hurt way more then talking about him
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 1:07 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • I am so sorry for the loss of your son, and I don't know if it ever will get better... the pain will probably always be there, but in time it will fade son.. The best way to deal with it is to think of all the good things you had with your son... The good memories help me get through the loss of my mother...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:11 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • Sweetie, it was only yesterday. It will never ever go away but, and you may not want to hear this now, it will get better. Grief is like a tunnel you walk through, you move closer to getting through it but you are never really out of it. I work with grief and loss and if you want PM me. There are probably people in your area that I can locate that can give you the appropriate support you need. One group is called Compassionate Friends. IT is for parents who have lost their children to death. It is a group no mother wants to ever belong to and yet it is such a needed support group. Groups are not always for everyone. In the mean time, be good to yourself. Cry, scream, yell, break things if you have to. RAGE if it helps. My heart goes out to you. Really, do PM me at anytime.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 1:12 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

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