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How do we decide what to do next?

My husband and I have been going through fertility treatment for about 4 years. We have been through everything from fertility meds to ivf with donor eggs. We want to be parents regardless of how it has to happen. I just do not know what to do or where to go next. We have 2 frozen embryos from the donor egg cycle. We also have talked very briefly about adoption. I just do not know where to start.....adoption or surrogacy with donor eggs?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:21 PM on Jan. 4, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (7)
  • maybe ask someone to carry ur baby for u??? if that doesnt work Adopt. theres a lot of kids that would love parents and the love u can give

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • I would like to interject that there are lots of kids in FOSTER care that are waiting for parents. There are lots of potential parents waiting for newborns though. So weigh your options. Do you want a newborn? Then you in a big competition there. Its a big decision. You might have an easier time getting a surrogant.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:34 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • We tried for years too, lots of fertility treatments and had 6 miscarriages. We pursued adoption through foster care while still attempting to conceive, so it wasn't like we felt like we had to chose one or the other; we just figured one of the two would work out. We adopted twin baby girls who were 3 days old when they came to us. In my own experience, foster care adoption was a wonderful choice. Good luck.

    Answer by MommyAddie at 12:21 AM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • I am an adoptive mom of two children, and we have open adoptions with both birthmothers. Only you can decide what to do, but I want to mention that I wish I had known years ago how I would feel now. We went through pretty much everything, including multiple surgeries for my endometriosis, and a failed IVF. After 8 1/2 years of trying to start our family, our daughter was born. Four years later, we were able to adopt a son. I know these are the children we are meant to have, and I wouldn't change a thing if I could.

    I e-mail with a lot of women who are going the foster/adopt route, and I think it's great. I have a hard time with people who think that infertile people should automatically choose this route, however. It is not for everyone. My husband and I considered it, but decided to try agency adoption of a newborn first.

    I hope you will find yourself holding your first child very soon!

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 12:32 AM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • We were a lot like you in that we went through the fertility treatments and currently have 2 embryos frozen...however, they were not from donor eggs, but my own. We tried 3 different times using a total of 7 embryos before I finally said I just couldn't do it again. So we stopped an pay a yearly fee to keep them frozen.

    We steered away from surrogacy because of the ungodly amount of money it costs. Infant adoption through an agency is expensive, yes, but still less than surrogacy. And with adoption, you can get approximately have of what you put into it back from the federal government.

    We just plan on trying the last 2 embryos again after DD is a little older and it really won't be so extremely heartbreaking if they don't take.

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 2:06 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • We went through the tests, the surgeries, the this and that also to try to conceive with no luck. For a long time I just accepted that for some reason, I wasn't supposed to have children. I had adoption in the back of my mind and we had talked off and on about it. Then we got a call out of the blue one day about a young woman who found out she was preganant and was considering adoption and would we be interested in talking with her. It ended up that she has decided to parent her child which is wonderful, but it made me realize I still want to be a mom. So, here we are going down the foster to adopt road and haven't been matched yet, but I know my babies (whatever age) are going to be coming home soon. There are SO many children already born who just need someone to love them and keep them safe and give them a chance to grow up healthy and happy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:26 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Sorry to hear of your dilemma. Un/fortunately, it really is your and your husband's decision of when to do what. Listen to yourselves honestly. That may seem trite, but I've been/am there. We did 4 rounds of IVF and were then told that egg donor was our best option. We were ready to stop the shots so are pursuing adoption. While we are very excited/hopeful of becoming parents via adoption, please be ready for another roller coaster ride. Like the previous posting, we were chosen by birth parents who changed their mind. We fully respect their decision, but it’s still disappointing. You probably know more about surrogacy with donor eggs than adoption so I would suggest doing a little reading about adoption or go to an intro session by a local agency. We went to a local Resolve conference that was pretty good--including speakers on fertility issues as well as adoption. When you're ready, your next step will feel right.

    Answer by ollysmom2 at 12:32 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

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