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How do you deal with constant lying?

I have a 13 YO SS who has ADHD. His behavior is so challenging, I don't know quite how to handle it. His only saving grace is that he does excellent in school, save P.E. class, because that's just too much effort. But he lies CONSTANTLY and my hubby and I have had it up to the back teeth! We don't know what else to do! We've grounded him, cavorted, ignored, tried talking to him and asking why...NOTHING works. Has anyone else out there gone through this and how did you deal?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:32 PM on Jan. 4, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (10)
  • my lil cuz is the same way he was put in a speical school they say if things don't change hes being taken away i hope you find out to control him we haven't
    butterscotch297

    Answer by butterscotch297 at 6:35 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • In the past I've taken the things away that were most important to them. I told one of my sons "Your up shit creek without accessories"..."No cell phone, no driving privileges and no friend/girlfriend time" for lying about his homework/grades. He shaped up pretty quick and I only had to do it once. His younger brother got to witness...he's not pulled the same thing for fear of "being up the creek" also. It wasn't fun for his brother....LOL
    happy2bme7

    Answer by happy2bme7 at 6:37 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • My sons that way but hes Bipolar and was misdiagnosed with ADHD. Getting him on the right meds seemed to help alot. I finally got to where he would tell me something and I made him prove it all to me no matter how small. He could say the sky was blue and Id say prove it. After awhile he got tired of having to prove it and just started telling the truth.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 6:38 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • We had the same problem with SD when she was 8 or 9 years old. We took everything of importance to her out of her room and made her earn them back one at a time on her counselors advice. It took about three months, and we still have issues from time to time, but they are managable now.
    sammy12868

    Answer by sammy12868 at 7:45 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • you need to confront him when he lies. Let him know you know he is not telling the truth and this is unacceptable. Let him know that you can not have trust in him if he is a lier No trust no privileges! Is he seeing a counselor? 

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 8:13 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • I stripped my son of everything. Including his bed and pillow. He had a mattress on the floor. His clothes were in grocery bags. We did this as an extreme measure and on the advice of a counselor. It was HARD for all of us. It was hard to stick to. But we did..and it worked. We believed nothing that came out of his mouth w/o proof to back it up. He learned that we were serious. It took him 6 months to earn everything back. He lost his bed one more time and he straighted up quick that time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:15 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • Holy Mary, I thought I was strict! Everything AND the bed? You know, at this point, I'm fricken desperate. I've put my foot down to the hubby about sending him to a counselor and to make that call PRONTO. I can't handle it. I do confront him every single time he lies. He's so obvious when he does it. He knows its unacceptable. He's been grounded. Right now, he's in his room with no priviledges. I wanted to take away his books, but then he'd have nothing...and after reading your post, I may re-think that. This is just WAY beyond out of control.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • ask him why he lyes. I have adhd and every time i acted out my parents made me run so many laps around my yard i just wanted to sleep. But i would lie to him tell him your planning some thing big for him get him excited then when the day comes tell him you lied and thats how it feels when he does it to you
    lzyd

    Answer by lzyd at 2:12 AM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • I have asked him. I get the same old answer with the deer in headlights look "I don't know." I've gotten frustrated with the same stupid answer. And I've even gone so far as to say, I don't know doesn't work for me. That child will just stand there and stare. It honestly makes me want to twist his ear off his head. Since I don't believe in spanking, he's grounded a lot. I made him sit in his room and look at the four walls last night. I'm seriously at my wit's end. There will be a phone call made today to the Therapist and hopefully we can find some resolution. Pray for me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • I pretty much know when my teens are lying, they really are'nt that good at it. We give them an opportunity to spill the beans and to think why did they lie. We used to get the standard I dunno or I did not answers. So we became smarter and taught them (a process) each time they lied there were consequences and a freedom or activity was going away. It took awhile but the lying has really calmed down, they still try there teenagers in time they will learn.
    lpsholes

    Answer by lpsholes at 3:21 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

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