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Dealing with family trying to guilt you into doing things their way.

I am not a confrontational person at all. I can't just tell people to shove it especially when they are family and people I can about. I am a people pleaser to the extreme sometimes and I don't think I'm going to just grow a back bone anytime soon.

So how do you deal with family that is convinced that your cousin's homebirth with an illegal midwife was better then your emergency c-section? Even worse how do I explain to family and friends who when I talk to them about what I want to do next time(ie I just want another c-section and formula worked better for me and my last baby) and I say what they don't want to hear so they either hear what they want,feel the need to educate me or just ignore what I'm saying all together and assume that I'm confused and will make the "right" choice when the time comes because every woman wants what they want? I just feel very intimidated and don't want to feel like my family thinks that I'm stupid or confused,and I definately don't want to be guilted into doing anything I'll regret in trying something I know I hate to make family happy with me and believe me I REALLY regret my last breastfeeding attempt enough so that I wish I could take it back because I'm still paying for it both mentally and physically.

Although I appreciate when people give kudos and affirmation I really do need some practical solutions that mesh with my personality,thank you.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:54 AM on Oct. 12, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (4)
  • is this YOUR family or your hubby's family? I went thru almost the same thing, Mother in law and his sister in laws would tell me NOT to take the epidural because a "real" woman doesn't need it... well honey i needed it and took it with both my boys & I have a vagina like a REAL woman & pushed out 2 babies at almost 9lbs & the other at almost 7. so I don't know whats FAKE about that. NO matter what you do or say they won't see eye to eye at all with you. After the baby family friends would ask how birth was (in front of his family) and I would say it loud and proud, it was super easy because I took the epidural. All though I did breastfeed & his two sister in laws didn't I didn't throw that in their face. But just do what YOU want, after all this is YOUR body, YOUR baby & your decision in the end. So do what is best for you & that baby. NOT what is going to shut them up. Good Luck 2 you

    Answer by paulsmomma at 2:15 AM on Oct. 12, 2011

  • To start with, your the mama and as long as your confident in what you are doing, then i would let everything they say roll off of your back. If they do say something that upsets you, just tell them that you are doing the best that you can do and what you feel is right. In the end isn't that what we are all doing? How do they know that any other way is right? They dont. Some mothers don't produce milk, so you could always tell them that your milk just never came in, nothing you can do about it. Your child is not going to eat properly if your uncomfortable. You do what you think is right and tell everyone else it your kid not theirs!! Don't let people push you around cause no one knows better than mom.

    Answer by mom2lyl at 2:36 AM on Oct. 12, 2011

  • The bottom line is that you are the mom and you should do what makes you comfortable and your baby safe. I don't care what anybody says, havin' the kid on the living room sofa or in the bathtub is not safe.

    Do not feel guilty about not having "natural childbirth"- I did it 4 times and it sucks. I decided to have the epedural before I had my twins. I told ob I didn't care if she handed me a crack pipe during delivery because I wasn't doing that again.

    I tried breastfeeding the twins, we switched to formula and we were ALL happier. Gee, no "natural" childbirth and only 4 weeks of breastfeeding. They are 14 now and nobody knows what an aweful, unnatural mommy I was.

    Answer by mrsgino at 8:59 AM on Oct. 12, 2011

  • When you need help finding your backbone, think about what example you would be setting for your kids if you just do what everyone else tells you to. Then ignore them. You don't have to have a confrontation, just ignore them. Then go home and make whatever decisions are right for you.

    Answer by SWasson at 9:59 AM on Oct. 12, 2011

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