how do you moms who have adopted explian to there child that they are adopted?
And what age? We have started from the very beggingn to use the word and are now explaining as he asks but if the bm is a friend to the family how do we procedd?
Answer by babycakes254 at 10:36 PM on Jan. 4, 2009
Answer by gdiamante at 10:47 PM on Jan. 4, 2009
How any parent explains an adoption. With love and with respect to the child and respect from their family of origin. It is even better if it is a family friend. Then you have more information to share, more history that you know as fact, and the added benefit that your child will be raised knowing this person. So it can work out really well if you want it to. Start from the time the child is brought home. Rock, snuggle, and tell the story of personal history. I think that is the most loving way to begin. The words will come. And they will change of time. Let them roll off your lips now while he is still a baby/toddler. That way with each telling you can change the words you didn't feel comfortable with previously. With practice it gets better. And then soon he will snuggle with you and tell his own story. You will see it can be possible and you can enjoy those times.
Answer by frogdawg at 10:55 PM on Jan. 4, 2009
Answer by MommyAddie at 12:14 AM on Jan. 5, 2009
Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 8:28 AM on Jan. 5, 2009
Children really don't "understand" until later. Mostly. I have seen two years olds who have said, "I look like my birthmother" to strangers. Did he get it? You bet he did. Every child is different and they pick up on more than you give them credit for. Does my two year old understand when I will casually tell him about is birthmom in every day opportunities or when I say - wow you grew in ________'s tummy! I'm pretty sure no. But one day soon he will start to. But for now he is hearing the words. That is important. Just to have it be normal every day conversation is so important to me, my husband, my son, and his birthmother. And she calls. She is not just some other family member calling long distance - she gave birth to him! So one day he will make the connections. For me, my job is to start to pave that way in an age appropriate way.
Answer by frogdawg at 11:39 AM on Jan. 5, 2009
cont..Most children do not understand the concept of sex and biology until much much later - long after they know that a baby comes from a woman's tummy they don't get it. How did it get there? So in reality you can tell a child he grew in another woman's tummy but he or she may still not understand the biology. To that child he or she is still, as far as that child is concerned, is from you. It is not until they are about 8 - 12 typically that they can fully understand the complexities of adoption. Meaning that two people, a man and a woman, who do not live with him/her created him/her. That this man and this woman are out there some where and had to place them with another family. Imagine being the adoptee, sitting in class one day, and bam - you get it.
Answer by frogdawg at 11:43 AM on Jan. 5, 2009
cont..I could not encourage adoptive parents enough to be the ones who gentley guide and pave the way to make this easier. It is a road the adoptee has to travel and it is always full of its own hurdles. That doesn't mean we can't assist this child in the best we know how and at the earliest time possible. I worked with children in foster care and children who had been adopted - but from a therapeutic angle. Love and compassion can go a LONG way.
Answer by frogdawg at 11:46 AM on Jan. 5, 2009
Go to this link http: http://www.marlourussellphd.com/772.html and scroll down to the last article titled 'Talking with your Child about Adoption and Foster Care Issues" it's got some great tips.
Answer by onethentwins at 11:52 AM on Jan. 5, 2009
Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on Jan. 5, 2009
Next question overall
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