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Why do men feel that they can do what they want to?

My husband and I are going through some rough times. He likes to go out to the bar and what not and thats okay because everyone has to be their own person. But when it comes past midnight and he isn't home, its upsetting. We have an 18 month old and I haven't been out in over a year. He always goes out and its always "his night out" but why can't I get one even though I am the one who is always taking care of the baby? We've talked it over i dont know how many times and he is always saying iam sorry iam taking you for granted and he goes right backinto it. I dont know what else do to....i even spent this new years eve by myself while he went out... :(

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Asked by WishinOnAStar09 at 11:33 PM on Jan. 4, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • maybe he has a drinking problem or isnt really ready to commit and grow up. you let him go out you can either stop that which wont work or start going out on your own and regaining your life then stop complaining cause he gets too but you could too if you just took the step in doing it. you have acept a man for who he is cause men can't be changed.

    Answer by melody77 at 11:38 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • Just so you know, not all men feel they can do what they want. My husband would never go out on a New Year's Eve by himself...ever. He wouldn't even think about it. I was on bedrest with our last daughter New Year's of '05 and he got invited to a party and actually yelled at his best friend for inviting him...he told him ' wife is on bed rest! I cannot leave her to go to some party. What happens if I got there and got really drunk and something happened to her and our baby?? I would kill myself if something happened and I was at some stupid party and not there for them!' It just depends on the kind of man you marry.

    Answer by mizkaye at 11:38 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • Hell No!!! Put your foot down. That's not right at all! Mine did this or use to do it. Now, he lives an hour away because I kicked his butt out. You both made the baby, you both raise the baby. ALL the time. If he wants to go out than yall should have date nights. Not bachelor night for him. TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL!!!

    Answer by Kenzies_momma at 11:38 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • I'm sorry you're going through this. It's a hard adjustment when a baby is born. He might be frusturated and not exactly knowing how to vent. If you've already tried talking to him and that's not working, maybe you can talk him into getting marital counseling and coming up with some compramises. Oh and just a note....Not all men think like this :) It's not normal behavior.

    Answer by hgibsonorc at 11:40 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • I know exactly what you feel like girl. I went through that with my daughters father. My situation was a lot worse, so we split... he still tries to get back with me and says he will try harder.. but like today I went to take the baby to his mom's house (she just got back from florida for a two week vacation with family) and he pulled up at the same time... i'm standing there trying to get the baby out of the car seat and juggle her bag, her, my purse, etc, and I say hi, and he jets to the door without even asking if I needed a hand.. his excuse was... it was cold outside... I wish I could give you advice on how to change him, but I'm still trying to get him to start caring more for his daughter instead of it being all him.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:57 PM on Jan. 4, 2009

  • My first reaction is men can do whatever they want. Any adult can. Its finding someone who "wants" to do the right things for a family that is the trick. My SO goes out on his own, but he never neglects the family and if I say I want/need to do something he will stay back with the kids or take them with him to do his thing. I will say that he doesn't go out to the bars...he does home projects with his friends...nothing the kids cant be there for. I do have the kids more than he does, but that is okay with me. I have figured out though, that men do not have "forethought" or the ability to think for themselves in terms of a relationship though...and when I stopped expecting him to anticipate my needs and just started telling him what time I was leaving or whatever, things were a lot better.

    Answer by kabbot01 at 12:12 AM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • My husband would never do that. Don't think that all men are like this. All I can think he is does it because he can? Put your foot down, tell him "Saturday I am going out and you need to watch our 18 month old" -- keep pushing for your time too. If needed you may want to look at couples counseling to learn how to communicate with him and get your needs addressed.

    Answer by Serafyna at 12:12 AM on Jan. 5, 2009

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