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Can a mother say too much?

I am the mother of a stepson who is now 14. He has lived with his dad and me since he was 5, so really I AM HIS MOTHER. He gets to see his bm a couple of times a year and she phones when the mood strikes her. The problem is she talks to him about stuff that I do not think a teenager should have to know or even worry about. EX. She is in custody battle for another one of her children and she tells my son every ugly detail of it and another is that she is trying to figure out way to leave her now current husband. It just blows my mind. I am wrong and just too closed minded on this issue? I just want him to be a kid while he can.

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Asked by Alamama at 9:19 AM on Jul. 16, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Level 11 (604 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • She probably needs to find someone her own age to talk to. A 14 yo doesn't need that kinda stuff on him, in addition to what he already has to deal with. JMO

    Answer by momofthree1084 at 9:43 AM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • Explain to her that this is inappropriate and it affects your stepson in the following ways....(insert here)....and explain to her the consequences of her behavior....not to mention the fact that she doesn't really care enough about her son...

    Answer by love_my_boys at 9:57 AM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • Here lies the problem. She thinks it is normal to do this. No common sense in this woman. She has never had to raise a kid past kindergarden so maybe she just doesn't know.

    Answer by Alamama at 10:24 AM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • Yes its wrong for her to rely on him emotionally but unfortunately there's not a lot you can do about it. My 15yo ss's bm does the same thing and all we can say to him (if it comes up) is "I'm sorry you're burdened with those adult problems. It must be hard to be involved in your mother's lovelife in that way. I hope things improve for her so you won't feel stressed out by these issues that are out of your realm of understanding". We just keep reinforcing that its not appropriate in as neutral of a tone as we can muster. BTW, join the stepmom struggles group - we are always venting about this stuff. I have found it very helpful. have a great day!

    Answer by Gotoyourmoms at 11:52 AM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • your not too closed minded, she walked out and only calls once in a blue moon... so obviously mom is not a word that she can clearly define. She thinks of herself as a friend, not a mom. If I were you, I would try to talk to her with your husband and try to come up with some boundaries. If that doesn't work, limit conversations in a kind of sneaky way. After a few minutes on the phone you can suddenly have the urge to go somewhere that you know he would also like to go. Mommy try # 2459875 :D Good luck

    Answer by ChasesMommy0115 at 12:57 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • I would have your husband step in and set some boundries that she needs to abide by. There should be some topics of conversation that should not be discussed with 14 yr old young men. She obviously doesnt know what is appropriate and what isnt, or she wouldnt be doing this. Plus if you are going to be a mom you are a mom 24/7. Not when you want to call, and not once or twice a year.

    Answer by taracv at 1:20 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • Definitley too much information for a 14 year old. He's not old enough to comprehend that kind of stuff.

    Answer by feesharose at 8:54 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • you're right. there are things kids just do not need to know about their parents. talk to him and tell him that if this makes him uncomfortable, he should tell her so. because i have a feelign talking ot her would have as much effect as talking to a brick wall.

    Answer by princezzmommie at 11:33 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • If she hasn't been excluded from his life as a parent she has the right to talk to him about whatever she wants. She may feel it makes them closer since she hasn't been a mom in the traditional sense for him. Sure they are somewhat adult issues, but they aren't things that are going to hurt him to hear. It might even help him understand his mother, her situation, & his feelings about her. He isn't being forced to deal with the issues, just hear about them & maybe offer advice, he is still getting to be a kid because he has your home to be a kid in instead of actually being drug through it as he would be if he were living with her. We can't control how the other parent will deal with our kids (providing there isn't real harm done), so all we can do is give them the best childhood we can while allowing them to learn from the experience of having a parent who is different.

    Answer by nysa00 at 4:07 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • adult subjects should not be discussed with children unles it directly affects the life of the child and in this case ... this is stuff he doesnt need to have weighing on his mind - especially doesnt need to get it into his head that these things his mom is going through is normal for relationships.
    my dh's neice is 4 and she actually goes to jail to visit her grandfather who is in there for drug and burgulary charges and she thinks its normal for people to be in jail - just another step in the process of life.. this is just leading her into a life where being with someone who is jail bound or even herself going ot jail is perfectly ok and normal... shame on her parents for letting this innocent get mixed up like that.

    Answer by vakatia at 2:15 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

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