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Is this a healthy boundary to set no matter the cost?

MY SIL has always bad mouthed me and causes alot of drama for me and my SO.Suddenly last week she calls and wants to plan a baby shower for me>she has no idea what I like/dislike and is doing it because she feels so is obligated.I want to tell her I am not comfortable having someone who hates me thro my shower but I know the repercussions will be huge from inlaws.Do I take a stand and put a stop to her games(take the after-crap) or do I shut up and pretend to be happy at the shower?What would you say to her?how can i still be true to me/my needs?


Asked by Anonymous at 3:13 AM on Jan. 5, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • I was going to say the same thing; your friend/sister/etc is already throwing one, but thank you, and you'll let them know she's available to assist in the planning. Then get on the horn with said friend/sister/etc and see how they feel about throwing you a shower!! =) My stepmom wanted to throw me a shower, even though she and a friend of mine are the only ones who live in the area where they are. She's one of those people who makes everything about her, so I know it would've been disastrous had I let her do it.

    Answer by musicpisces at 6:24 AM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • NEVER say no to a party and presents.

    Get your friends together and have them run interference at the party so all you have to do is smile and nod. If you have an army with you, she can't do anything.

    Answer by Wimsey at 3:21 AM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • I can think of a couple of options:

    1 - You can just tell her that it is "already taken care of" and she can assume that someone had already asked to do this for you.
    2 - You could let her know you appreciate the offer, but your (best friend, sister, mom, etc.) would be terribly offended if they weren't the one to throw the shower for you.

    Answer by indigostone at 3:29 AM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • I'd find a way to get out of it, the gifts aren't worth it to me. She sounds like a mean person so I'm wondering what the motivation is. I'm always the one to think the worst, so I'd be wondering what she's going to try to do to embarrass or hut me if it was me. But if you don't think that's what she's got in mind, then maybe you might want to consider she's trying to make up with you and go along with it but make sure your family/friends are there with you. Most people don't have the guts to talk their crap with your family/friends close by to defend you.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:12 AM on Jan. 5, 2009