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any of you not fill close to one of your children??

i love both my kids and they are my world but does any other moms just not fill like they have a bond with one of their children? either you bump heads or just no bond at all. shes 9 my baby but we have no bond.... i fill awful about this

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:45 AM on Jan. 5, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. I sometimes feel that way too, when one of my boys is being especially trying or in a "mood", but it always passes. Maybe do something together that you can both relate to. A good movie, museum, mall, whatever you both like. Good luck!!!
    drowninginboys

    Answer by drowninginboys at 11:04 AM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • There are times when I feel like I am not. And it really bothers me. Cause you want to feel the love and closeness. But sometimes you just have to step back and think were you ever really close. Sometimes I will have to take said child out for the entire day just so we have some alone time to do some talking and fun stuff together. I feel like I am always fussing at mine, and therefore we aren't as close, I know that isn't the reason, mine will soon be 9 and I think it is just a time when they are trying to find out who they are without mommy standing over there shoulder. But don't worry you aren't a bad mom plenty of us have those feelings now and then.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:03 AM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • I bump heads with my kids but it doesnt mean I dont feel close to them. I think bc we do bump heads that we are actually closer. Most of the time its because they have an attitude and when I look closely it is MY attitude lol. When they are young it is hard sometimes to tell if we are bonded with them. Once they grow older and what not you will likely see there is a bond and love there.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:03 AM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • My middle daughter is the one that I have to work extra hard with making sure that we have one on one time together. I became concerned a long time ago....she's 8 now. She is very VERY much like me and we often butt heads. I think that is the reason we have a more difficult time getting close. I really make a conscious effort to take time to be close to her b/c my own mother rejected me my whole life and I am adopted! I never ever want my daughter to feel the way I do, so I work at making sure that won't happen.
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 7:12 AM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • This is about how you feel and it has nothing to do with her, what she does, her personality, her words...it is about you. My advice is to seek professional help. This doesn't make you a bad mother. Not at all. The fact that you are willing to acknowledge it is really good. Here is my situation: my own mother just recently said to me that she doesn't know why, but ever since I was a little girl I have always made her feel like a hellish mother. Basically she never really thought she connected to me. That was all on her. It really has nothing to do with me or my feelings. If you can afford to have just a few professional counseling sessions to explore your thought process then it could benefit you for years to come. Don't wait until you can't do anything about it.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 3:58 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • cont..It doesn't have to even be long term counseling. I'll break this down really simply. You are in charge of how you think, feel, and respond to those feelings. Its a triangular process. So what happens is you can learn how to change your thoughts (with a little help) and that will in turn change how you feel. When you feel a certain way that changes how you respond. Its a cycle really. Recognizing that your thinking is flawed and wanting to change it shows you are already an awsome mom. Just an FYI, I don't have a relationship with mine anymore. I got tired of her trying to make it about me and how I make her feel. No one can make you feel anything. Better luck for you than what she had with me.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 4:01 PM on Jan. 5, 2009