Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

don't really know where to put this, but....?

hubby's "brother" (not really, but good friends since hubby was thirteen and hubby calls him brother) is 45, single, no kids. he really wants kids of his own, and i thought about "loaning" my uterus for the job (i'm not using it anymore)
this comes wit two options - one, use donor eggs where everything is a complete unknown, or two, ues my eggs where everything is already known - he already lives with us and is like a third parent to mine and hubby's kids, and either way my name would probally be on the b/c cause i dont think you can leave the "mother" section blank like you can with "father" - i would also be helping raising them either way (so would hubby, he'd be like step-daddy)
so what do you guys thing - donor eggs or my eggs?
btw either way we will go to a clinic that takes his stuff and egg stuff and puts it together outside of me, so don't get nasty

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:06 PM on Jan. 5, 2009 in Trying to Conceive

Answers (15)
  • I think you need to consider the children involved at this point. If they are your eggs you are creating siblings for you children that do not belong to your husband. How does your husband feel you have children by two different men. How would the children you bare take to the situation? There is also a consideration of a future wife coming into play and you have been and will always be the mom. I think if he is ready he might want to find his own seregant unless you three feel that you can handle the delicacy of the situation. I would be interested to see how this goes though. Good luck!
    toweringbeauty

    Answer by toweringbeauty at 3:16 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • Wow you are brave Lol that situation would make me uncomfortable. Mother your hubby's friends child... I would do donner just to put some... um distance in it I guess. If that makes sense...
    dtetz

    Answer by dtetz at 3:16 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • there is NO chance of a future wife comming along for this guy (i'm pretty sure he gay but so clostted he'll never tell, i don't care bout that though) i have talked to hubby about it and he thinks its great that i'm willing to do that, but mildly uncomfortable about the whole process, but mostly supportive
    we are no where near doing any of this yet, and if hubby gets more uncomfortable with the situation, we wont
    but like i said, he already lives with us and probally will untill someone dies, and if we did do something like this, and he died, hubby would continue to raise the kids
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • donor eggs =]
    SandraB383

    Answer by SandraB383 at 3:30 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • DONOR!! sorry, i just find it weird and umcomfertable to have children with another man other than your husband. i understand that the eggs will be fertilized in a clinic or whatever, but would you be able to live with the fact that you have children running around with someone other than your husband. that is something that is suposed to be special. there is no way in H#LL my dh would give sperm to one of my best friends.

    Best Wishes with whatever you choose!
    sarahkaystone

    Answer by sarahkaystone at 3:42 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • i was thinking donor too, but wasn't really sure cause i'll still most likely end up being "mom" to th babies too, and at least with my eggs i would know medical history, i just wanted to see what others thought, but again that's probally 2-3yrs away
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:50 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • It may be easier for you to have a donor egg. This may be better for you emotionally to "seperate" yourself. I think it is admirable, what you are willing to do. I hope that you are prepared for many things that might come your way. Right now, he lives with you. How will you feel if he moves out with the child? I hope that you are not transferring your desire to perhaps have another child, and feel like this is the best way to do it. I wish you the best, you are far more generous than I could ever be.
    Scimecamommy

    Answer by Scimecamommy at 4:02 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • I think I'd have to say donor eggs, but only with lots of counselling before hand for you, your hubby, and his friend. It sounds like this is a situation that could get really complicated.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 4:28 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • Talk to your husband and see what he thinks. I was considering being a surrogate for my sister-in-law and her husband, and my husband felt very strongly about using donor eggs instead of my eggs. So I would suggest starting there.
    DragonRiderMD

    Answer by DragonRiderMD at 4:32 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • After discussing the situation with your hubby for a while - extensively.....I would consider donor eggs. It might get weird if it's your eggs.....your baby....if it's not weird now, it might be later.

    If I were younger, I would totally consider being a surrogate mother to a close friend or relative if they needed it.
    Pollymom

    Answer by Pollymom at 4:51 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.