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Ugh I need some help.

This is going to sound so stupid, but I really need some help. A year ago I had an emotional affair with another man, but my husband took me back. Then I made out with my lesbian co worker at the Christmas party. Now I don't know what to do about my marriage. Do I even want to be married? My husband is a really great guy, and my kids are so sweet, and I don't want to hurt any of them. I wouldn't be leaving him for the chick I made out with, I'd be leaving because I don't think I'm cut out to be married. I don't want to keep torturing my husband because he is completely devoted to me, but not me to him. He has a few quirks that piss me off, like playing on the computer too much and not brushing his teeth as often as he should (yuk!) but he has never cheated on me. He wants to go to church again, I don't really want to. I'm considering counseling, but I don't know that we can afford it. I'm so bummed out.

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Asked by prettyrayray at 4:11 PM on Jan. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (16 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • You sound like my parents! No offense though. He was devoted and loved my mom to death, and played to many computer games, but she just didn't want to be married to him anymore. She says that the spark just isnt there. HOWEVER she decided to just go ahead and have an affair and he found out and it just broke his heart... He hired a PI and seen a video he really didn't want to see. Even if he is a good guy there is a chance that you both can end it on good terms. Just go your separate ways, instead of a bad divorce, and lots of hurt feelings.

    Answer by CorCorsmomma at 4:21 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • Only you can truely decide whether the married life is right for you or not but if you are not happy don't make him miserable too. He sounds like a good guy and who knows, maybe a trial seperation will you show which path you want to take. Nothing has to be permanent esp. if he's willing to forgive your indiscretions.

    Answer by tat2edmommyof2 at 4:24 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • Thing is, we are financially dependent on each other. Neither of us could support ourselves if one were to move out, and moving in with friends probably wouldn't be a good idea either. I really don't want to make him unhappy though.

    Answer by prettyrayray at 4:27 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • It sounds like you are not satisfied in your marriage, or maybe you are just trying to find yourself. Either way you need to decide to either stay married and make things work like getting some marriage counsiling, or you need to just leave I dont think (and I am sure you agree) that its fair to your husband to keep cheating or stepping out on him, and I never have and never will think that staying in a relationship that you are truely not happy in is what is best for the kids or anyone else.

    Answer by hautemama83 at 4:29 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • What would you be doing if you weren't married right now?

    Dating other men?

    Other women?

    What do you really want out of life at this moment?

    If you are unable to answer those questions because you just dont know for sure or haven;t thought it through enough, then I would stay put, for your kids if nothing else.

    Does your husband know about the "emotional affair"? I doubt he would care about you kissing another woman. Most guys would get turned on by that lol. He would probably brush and floss 3x a day just to be able to watch that.

    Answer by JustAMom2008 at 4:58 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • SOunds like you're just looking for an out. Honestly, it's best for both of you if you get out of the marriage.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:02 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • in my opinion i would get out now! i was in a 15 year marriage trying to "learn to love" my ex and it can't be done, trust me. the longer you stay the more you will end up hurting yourself, your children and your hubby.

    Answer by staci1103 at 5:11 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • What is your gut telling you? Are you looking for a pass or for n out? Just remember its no fun being alone and financially dependent on others.Good Luck.

    Answer by jareda69 at 5:46 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • You mentioned financial stabilty and that you are dependent on each other... Are you in a position where the two fo you could continue to live together and help each other out but not be in a "relationship"? Or is it an all or nothing situation?

    Answer by tat2edmommyof2 at 7:40 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

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