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My mother doesnt like my DF because he's 19.5yrs older than me & he's black.

because he's 19.5yrs older than me & he's black. Mind you, I'm Cuban & I'm 21. He & I have been togetherfor 2yrs now. She wants me to leave him. I refuse to do so. He is only 1 of a few whom & feel safe & protected with. The age difference & the race difference doesnt bother me at all whatsoever. We all bleed red, right? When cut, aren't our tissues still pink? Do I have a solid reason to be Pissed? Whats your opinion?


Asked by Barb87 at 4:46 PM on Jan. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Level 6 (116 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I wouldn't be pissed...just let her have her opinion. It doesn't change you or yours. Race and age shouldn't be an issue, your an adult. Tell your mom you respect her but its your choice and that it is her turn to respect you...

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 4:50 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • as long as your happy in love- best wishes to the both of you. if there is a valid reason she should elaborate more.

    Answer by alinzasmommy at 4:49 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • im sure it has little if not anything to do with the racial difference..i wouldn't want my daughter dating anyone 20 years older than her..she can go get ice cream with her dad but that's about it. think about how YOU would feel if your daughter were your age, and dating a 40 year old.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:49 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • The only way to get her to stop talking about that is to marry the man. And that probably still won't change anything.

    Answer by JustAMom2008 at 4:50 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • id just let her have her opione she is intitled to it. just let her know its your life and your adult and the two of you love each other and thats all there is to it. I dont think age or race matters. your over 18 so your legal and im sure can make your own choices.
    however if he has done something to you then i can see why your mother wouldnt like him.

    Answer by Mommy2B04 at 4:56 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • If she is generally a good woman besides her biggotry; I would say, keep the guy if you really want to just dont have any kids with him. I would be upset if my 21 year old was with a 40 year old as well. The race thing just makes her look like an idiot.

    Answer by kirstanbrown at 4:58 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • Regardless of any racial issues I understand your mother's discomfort as far as his age is concerned. I dated a man 11 yrs older than me and to be honest it was the biggest waster of a little over 5 yrs of my life. I hope it works out for you, especially if you love him, but how much can you really have in common with a 41 yr old man? He is not always going to want to do the things that you want to do and as much as you may think that you can do them on your own, going out without your SO gets old fast. I think that your mother sees the possibility that you will outgrow him and she is trying to spare you any unnecessary hurt. I don't agree with the racial part of her issue but I can see her point in the age difference.

    Answer by micrespo at 5:01 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • 20 years older? wow if I was your mom I would have an issues with that too.........why would you want to be with someone that much older anyway? I guess IMO I think its kinda gross to be with someone who could be my dad

    Answer by hautemama83 at 5:17 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • Your mom is just being your mom and worrying about you. It's hard enough to make a marriage work these days without having a large age difference and racial difference to work through too. And you are only 21!!! Have you though about the fact that when you are 40 years old, he'll be almost 60???

    If you are truly committed to each other, then I'm happy for you...and in time perhaps your mom will learn to love him too.

    Answer by companygoddess at 6:21 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • Almost 20 years is a huge difference. When I brought "home" A MEXICAN (that's what DH was called) it was a big deal but I don't really think that race is the problem here. You are a kid. This dude could be your dad, and you were seeing him while still a teenager. That is what I would think the problem is. I don't understand what HE gets out of this relationship. I don't mean to offend you but I don't have ANYTHING in common with teenagers in the relationship area. It's odd.

    Answer by mlregalado at 6:23 PM on Jan. 5, 2009