Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

HELP my 5 year old lacks focus!

My son's kindergarten teacher pulled me over this morning before class and told me that we NEED to have a meeting about my son and his lack of focus. Also that he will not listen in class. He is playing guns and swords. He knows that I do not allow that because although it is fake you just never know. I have explained to him the punishment for not listening and he knows they get worse with continued bad behavior. What do I do!!!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anthonys_mommy1 at 9:02 AM on Oct. 20, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 4 (47 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • If it's becoming a problem at school, consider getting him evaluated for an attention disorder. No it doesn't mean you have to put him on meds, but most eval centers will help teach them coping skills. Could it be his age? Sure. If he's not purposely being defiant, and just almost seems driven to it, please have him checked out. The earlier you can get him some help the better. Often times, kids like this are extremely intelligent (my son is very much so) but they have to get all that energy lined up and put to good use. The teacher is likely to label him anyway, and believe me, teachers talk.


    Answer by momjoy1027 at 9:09 AM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • He was evaluated at 4 because he had a lot of behavior problems and he was put in a program for a year and than was removed from the program because he was doing a lot better. He was tested for ADHD and ADD and in the beginning he was tested positive but in the end he tested negative.

    Comment by Anthonys_mommy1 (original poster) at 9:17 AM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • Make an appointment to see his pediatrician and let the pediatrician know what the teacher said...and go from there.

    We had a similar situation. DD has a speech delay and, therefore, has an IEP with speech therapy at school. During the last IEP meeting before she started Kindergarten (Spring 2011), we were told that she has a very short attention span, lack of focus, and poor listening skills. We were told that she probably is ADHD and that we need to get her to her doctor before Kindergarten starts. We took her within the next couple of weeks and the first thing out of the pediatrician's mouth was that you can't always go by what teachers say because many push for a diagnosis so the child will be medicated and then their class can run smoothly. He said testing isn't really valid until the child is at least 6, so he sent her to a therapy over the summer to help her focus her attention and such. ~Cont'd~

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 9:17 AM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • Not sure that it worked, but we haven't heard too much from the teacher and she mostly comes home with a good report. But...we did have a private meeting with the teacher at the beginning of the school year to "warn" her about what to expect from DD, so that may have made a difference in how she approaches her through the school day.

    I see that you say he has been tested...first was positive and then negative. That just tells me that it was too soon. I'd wait until he is 6 and retest...but in the meantime, definitely talk to your pediatrician about counseling.

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 9:19 AM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • ADD/ADHD is not something that you initially test positive and then negative. Both my kids have it. Medication and counseling have made a dramatic difference. They lack social skills and are immature for their age. We have plenty of friends with kids in the same situation. You may want to hold him back. The extra year of maturity may help. My daughter who was very high functioning at that age was a kid on the fence. There were days she was ahead of the crowd and other days at the end of the pack. Since both kids have the diagnosis from a doctor stating that they have ADHD they both have an IEP and we can modify things in school for them. This may help. Join the parents of children with ADD/ADHD group. There is a lot of support there.

    Answer by robinkane at 9:24 AM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • OP, the place you had him tested, do they offer special classes/tutoring sessions for learning differences? So even if he's borderline or doesn't have and and you know there's a problem, maybe they could still help, I dunno. There are several centers in the town I live in and all offer some sort of counseling or classes to teach coping skills. I hope you figure it out, I'm sure its endless frustration for you.


    Answer by momjoy1027 at 9:34 AM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • Let me start off by saying your not alone!!! A few things you may want to look at are his diet, media stimulation and placement in the family... I have VERY similar issues with my son, who's 5, third child out of four. Too much sugar & processed foods can have big time negative effect on his behavior! We don't have TV, a computer or video games in our home but when he visits his BD that's all he does. He usually has a meltdown at some point after returning home because he's so overstimulated. Also being in the middle of the family, divorce, new baby, blended family drama, new to school, it's easy for these kids to become that lost child. We don't mean to overlook them but sometimes we do with all the other comotion of life. This may not be the case for you but hopefully it gives you something else to think about.

    Answer by mrs.cta1217 at 9:56 AM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • He's the oldest of my kids. we live at home with my mother, brother and sister along with my youngest. there are a lot of family issues that I try to keep away from them but it's hard. I am taking away the TV and computer. he only gets both about an hour a day. I have to talk with his dr about his diet. He has an extremely high metabolism. They blame this on his rapid heart rate. So he still needs a lot of fatty foods but I don't know how to get rid of all the bad without punishing the whole family. My mother is the one that buys the most junk in the house and the kids know exactly where it is even if I hide it

    Comment by Anthonys_mommy1 (original poster) at 11:06 AM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • if you can not control the food in the house, and if you strongly suspect food to be the issue, then you will have to find a way to motivate your son to make great food choices on his own. there is something called muscle testing. if your son holds junk food in one hand, and with the other hand touches his middle finger and thumb together, you can try to separate the touching fingers.
    while he is holding junk food, this should be easy to do. while he is holding helathy food, this should be harder to do. it is a physical way of showing him what makes him strong, and what makes him weak.
    don't think that by eliminating junk from the house that you are punishing the rest of the are making them stronger!

    reward charts can work well for boys too.

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 11:43 AM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • Sometimes this is their way of getting more attention too. My oldest (9) son went through it and is doing better but now my middle son is going through similar behavioral issues and focus problems. My biggest advice to you is just love him where he's at. Lots of hugs, kisses, squishies (all over body hugs... learned to help from his therapy for focusing) and just make sure he knows you're for him & proud of him. It's easy to be constantly disapointed so try hard not to be. Don't let the school or others bully you or make you feel like you need to do something drastic or that you have done something wrong. Plus he's a boy! Boys are naturally more active, physical, distracted...husbands aren't much diff IMO! Besides when they start making drugs that make our daughters less mouthy, and tone down their attitudes and drama, I'll get on board with the boys "calm down" pills!


    Answer by mrs.cta1217 at 11:49 AM on Oct. 20, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.