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My in laws want us to come to Christmas Eve at their house

This is the first year that we will have the baby and my in laws and my parents both want us at everything. I think we should do things based on who does stuff that is good to have kids around. My parents have other grandkids and they do kids stuff, my mom has them help decorate a birthday cake for Jesus, my dad watches a Christmas movies with them and they have the kids help wrap presents for their parents. On the other hand, my in laws invite people over and everyone gets drunk, there are never any kids there and it's really loud. For me, it's a no brainer that we would start the tradition of going to my parent's Christmas Eve then doing Christmas day with my parents and Christmas night with dh's, DH thinks it's only fair that we switch back and fourth each year for Christmas Eve, what do you think?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:45 PM on Oct. 20, 2011 in Holidays

Answers (14)
  • i think your dh has it right. you seem to want to spend the majority of your holiday with your family (i know, i do, too!), but fair is fair. it also sounds like you disapprove of his family's behavior and lifestyle. you married his family when you married him, sorry. you don't have to behave like them, if you feel its inappropriate.
    but fair is fair. alternate years between the two, and why not start a tradition IN YOUR OWN HOME of being just your little family on Christmas Day?
    people go crazy trying to visit everyone every year.

    Answer by dullscissors at 3:49 PM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • We used to do Christmas Eve with mine and Christmas Day with his, Christmas night with misc. friends.

    Answer by Dahis at 3:51 PM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • There is something to what your husband is saying. Not playing favorites is the fair thing to do. How far away are both sets of parents? You could consider stopping by at his parents' for a little while on Christmas Eve, then going to your parents.' I'd like to add that this year, the baby won't know what's going on regardless of where you're going, so kid activities vs. adult isn't really an issue.

    Answer by SWasson at 3:52 PM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • His parent's party doesn't even start until after 8 pm which was fine before we had a baby but now we have a baby. It is not appropriate to have the baby around the people getting drunk and loud music

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:54 PM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • It is fair to switch back and fourth. That is your DHs family, and he has a right to have Christmas Eve with them too once in a while.

    I see my dad and his family the Saturday before Christmas. I see my mom and family on Christmas Eve every other year, and Christmas Day every other year. I do the same with the in laws, we SWITCH. This year, I will see my mom's side EVE, and my in laws DAY.

    Which house will have more kids is irrelevent in your situation. It's the holidays, and both in laws and your side of the family would like to see you all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:01 PM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • I wouldn't want my baby around drunk people and situations that didn't work with my family either. Just because I married my husband doesn't mean I have to spend time with his family. But, I wouldn't want to divide me and my husband either. So, I'd find a happy middle ground where you know the partying won't be going on. Christmas morning sounds like the better time if his family starts drinking in the evening. I'd tell my MIL, that I was uncomfortable with the drinking personally.
    My kids are grown, one of them is now drinking age, I STILL don't like being around drinkers. Many people find it so socially acceptable, I don't and I don't want to be around a bunch of I wouldn't put myself in that situation. respect goes two ways. the inlaws should be just as respectable as to what is comfortable to you.

    Answer by momma-t42 at 4:04 PM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • I'd start a tradition of having familes at your house.

    Answer by meooma at 4:04 PM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • We are talking about Christmas Eve, we still will spend Christmas night with them for dinner and their Christmas celebrations and Christmas Day with my family. It's not really about who had more kids at what home, it's who does kid friendly things, right now it's more I don't want a newborn out that late, as my baby gets older, it's more he is not going to have anything to do at DH's parents house nor is it really appropriate while at my parent's home, it's all kid stuff

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:11 PM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • Do every other year. It's not worth a fight. You have the excuse of the baby to leave by 8:30 - 9:00.

    Answer by mompam at 5:07 PM on Oct. 20, 2011

  • The party doesn't start until after 8 and we live an hour away so to leave after 30 minutes and to drive 2 hours is crazy

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:09 PM on Oct. 20, 2011

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