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How do I handle in-law drama of this magnitude?

Long story short, I said something that offended my SIL. Instead of coming directly to me to talk about the offense, she went to her brothers about it. Now all three of them are pissed at me. So upset with me, in fact, she said we didn't need to come back to visit the family ever again. My husband managed to talk some sense into his sister and she said she'd straighten it out with the rest of the family. My feeling is that I've been disowned and that the damage is permanent. Any ideas on how to forgive, forget and move on?

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CreativeSpirit

Asked by CreativeSpirit at 11:47 AM on Jul. 16, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • All you can do is be honest. You are all adults, hurt feelings sometimes happen. We say things that we don't mean or say things that should be kept to ourselves. They should be mature enough to deal with that fact.
    The issue is with your SIL not her brothers. I would call her personally, apologize and work things out. Even a heart felt letter would be a nice gesture. When her brothers realize that she does not harbor any hard feelings, hopefully they will let it go and forgive you as well.
    CelticFaerie

    Answer by CelticFaerie at 11:51 AM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • ALOT OF TIMES,THERE ARE ADULTS WHO ARE VERY IMMATURE,AND THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO,IS JUST CALL HER,TRY TO FIX THE PROBLEM EITHER BY APOLOGIZING OR HOW EVER YOU FEEL IT SHOULD BE FIXED..IF SHE ACCEPTS,FINE,SHE'LL GET OVER IT. IF SHE STILL WANTS TO ACT LIKE THAT,BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS IGNORE,AND SHE WILL EVENTUALLY GET OVER IT.
    Taty84

    Answer by Taty84 at 12:01 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • I have bene through alot of in-law problems. And all I can say is apoligize even if you dont want to but still stand you ground if that makes any sense. They are just going to have to get over it. Try to talk it out and hopefully both parties will just let it go...
    MommyMel03

    Answer by MommyMel03 at 12:08 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • What exactly did you say to make so many people pissed at you? Sounds like your leaving something out to me. An entire family doesn't get uppity and pissed for no reason.
    OOHPFG

    Answer by OOHPFG at 1:46 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • I simply said that leaving my daughter with my FIL made me nervous. I didn't imply that he was a child molester, but that's where my SIL took it. She said I accused him of molesting children. Which I didn't. I am wary of most men in general, and hardly know my FIL. So, yeah, she taking my saying "It made me nervous.." to "Your father is a child molester.." is bound to upset an entire family.
    CreativeSpirit

    Answer by CreativeSpirit at 2:10 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • id like in law advice as well. I wrote my mother in law a letter about how i felt and she took it out of context. now she hates me and wont even talk to me to work through this. my husband hates it and this is one i need answers to as well! good luck!
    clasemomma

    Answer by clasemomma at 3:08 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • Yikes. I'd just walk very lightly with this family. I have read The Mother-in-Law Dance by Annie Chapman which helped but never read a book on sisters-in-law.

    Do you feel you did say something wrong? If you do, apologize. if not, tell everyone, or better yet have your husband step up to the plate.
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 4:01 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • you said this to the SIL and she dragged the BIL into it. Did any of the BIL call you personally to find out what or why you said it? I'm betting not. IMO You need to contact the SIL AND the BIL yourself. Explain what you said and WHY you said it. The explanation is relatively simple...communication. Tell them in the future to please come talk to you directly so misunderstandings can be avoided. Apologize, but make sure they know you did not say that. Also...where is your S/O in all this? It is after all HIS family.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 4:24 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • My husband has been very present in all these dealings. He called my FIL directly to explain the situation. He also spoke with my SIL. I'm waiting for him to call my MIL, too, as I'm a big chicken and don't want to confront any of them right now.
    CreativeSpirit

    Answer by CreativeSpirit at 4:53 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • sorry but to me it sounds like you hit a nerve. um...i think i might be irate but if i knew you didnt' leave them with just anyone, and tehy are not close to your kids...i think i would try to see where you are coming from. maybe call him and explain your reasoning and ask fi there was a way you guys could get to know each other better?
    princezzmommie

    Answer by princezzmommie at 11:17 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

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