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I have been reading questions and other SM concerns, and I am really new to this SM thing, I mean already its been such a horror, but really is it going to get worse from here? I don't know that I can handle it. I look at my SD now and she is 2 and she is angel. I could cry thinking that it might become worse from here with her and the BioMom..

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:28 PM on Jan. 5, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (4)
  • I am no tunderstanding? How is it bad? The best advice I can give you as someone who has a blended family and is also a biomom is to stay out of any issues with her mom. That is your dh's job and getting involved will bring you nothing but heartache and trouble. Be the SD friend and confidante but always know you arent her mother, youre the step mom. Set limits, house rules and common things with your Dh and since shes only 2 it should be easy to do really. It doesnt matter what you think of her mom that is HER mom and you cant change that. Also dont forget most of the time our DH's dont tell us the whole story, they tell their version of events. If you ever had an ex you know that. There are always two sides. Just be a good stepmom, enjoy the little girl & itll be alot easier.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:31 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • Are you having problems or are you just concerned about what might happen based on what you are reading?

    Answer by BJoan at 8:26 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • No no, no concerns just fears! I am in love with her father with all my heart and more in love with her every second of the day. Just tonight as I put her to sleep she yelled "Wait Please" I came back and she kissed me pretty much in my eye and said she loved me and that she missed me today (because I was at work). I am just concerned because I am doing the best that I think I can without stepping on toes, but at the same time I don't want her to grow up and resent me or hate me. Right now her Bio Mom feels threatened by me, and she thinks I am trying to be her Mom. I am not. However as she gets older I think BM is going to try to be more of her friend (which fine, thats her daughter) and turn her against BD. It's kind of a pattern for if it did happen, what do you do from there? I could sit here for hours and hours on end and list every single fear...

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:31 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • Just be the best that you can be for this little girl. You are a female role model for her whether her mom likes it or not and it sounds like you are doing a great job! Don't be spiteful or do anything at all to talk down about her mom in front of her. I know.... you won't.... but things slip sometimes so make sure to be extra careful! You may or may not have a rough couple years with her when she gets a bit older (puberty - yay!), but she will know who treated her good, and hopefully her mom wont get in her head too much about her dad or you. Good luck! I hope everything turns out well for you all!

    Answer by drowninginboys at 10:56 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

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