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I am getting really fed up.....I need advice

My boyfriend and I have been together 1 1/2 years and there is sex once a month. He would rather drink alcohol and be drunk. He is sober one week out of the month. No romance of any kind. I am depressed becuz we dont talk only argue. He says he loves me....but I just dont so. What can you tell me that can help with no bashing!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on Jan. 5, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • weel as an alcoholic myself-sober 2 yrs- I have to be honest...you cannot change him dear.He has to want to change,he has to want a better way to live.1 1/2 yrs is long enough to commit to someone who doesn't want to change.I am not saying 'give up one people" but I am saying that you are wasting your life waiting for this man.Here is what I wold do:i would tell him u love him but things need to change,give him a date by which he has to make a plan to change the drinking,rehab cold turkey(dangerous be careful) or what ever.tell him if he has not changed or made plans by then that he need to leave.See, the thing is, if you are meant to be w/this man...it will happen, even if u meet someone else, date whatever.Love is love, it doesn't go away...but in the meantime,try to help yourself get healthy kwim? good luck(hugs)
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 7:58 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • Tell him goodbye
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:55 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • How about tell him to quit drinking and start communicating??
    If he won't stop drinking, well, it's entirely your choice whether or not you want to deal with an alcoholic or not- an alcoholic father, no less.
    I'm not really sure what kind of advice you expect outside of that? There's really no way to work with someone who chooses substance abuse over real life..
    Liyoness

    Answer by Liyoness at 7:57 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • No bashing intended but what do you think he can offer you with his obvious drinking problem? Does he work that one week a month he's sober? What kind of relationship are you wanting? I am not telling you to leave him, that's a decision only you can make but it looks like if this is his life he has nothing to offer you. Make up your mind what you want from him and if he can deliver then fine. If not, then you have some decisions to make. Learn to deal with his drinking, perhaps go to counseling for you to learn how to cope. I hope he gives you something worth staying for. (not bashing, just not understanding)
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:58 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • Decide for yourself if that is how you deserve to be treated. I hope it isn't. It is better to walk away now that to be stuck in a bad marriage later. Refuse to settle for less than you're worth. Alcoholism and love are incompatible for existing at the same time.

    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 7:58 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • geeze, I would have to say leave now as well. It will be better for you
    There are MEN out there and he seems like a boy. =(
    ReadyToRage

    Answer by ReadyToRage at 8:02 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • Well if you dont love him there is no reason at all to put up with an bullshit!!
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 8:08 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • I personally wouldn't think he is worth holding on to. It looks to me that, at the moment alchohol is number one priority in his life. It might help, to sit him down(when he's sober) and ask what would be more important for him in the future, you and your baby or alchohol. It's kinda like an ultimatum. I'm trying my best NOT to make it sound like that, I know those are the worst to give someone you love so much. Be calm, not accusing. Let him KNOW how you feel, no beating around the bush, be blunt about everything. If he tries to make excuses and putting blame on other people; then I'm sorry hun, he's not ready to give the stuff up. Are you living with him? If you are, maybe you should temporarily move out, have a separation. I think it would be good for the both of you. I know it's way easier said than done. cont.....
    ReginaGallo

    Answer by ReginaGallo at 8:22 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • pt. 2

    It's entirely up to you, whether you wanna keep putting you and your little one through this. My mother was an alchoholic, she made the wise choice of not living with my dad and I because she was under the spell of that stuff for the rest of her life. It literally took her life, slowly. I didn't understand at the time, but now I do. I know she left because she loved me and didn't wanna give me the impression that, that is the way to live life. When it truely isn't.
    ReginaGallo

    Answer by ReginaGallo at 8:22 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • You have been with him a 1 1/2 year & he's doing this? Get out of the relationship because old habits are hard to change. What are you getting out of this relationship? You both fight, he drinks & gets drunk & there is only sex once a month. I would say goodbye to this bad relationship & find someone who deserves you. Make a decision that he will be the last mistake that you make in a man & then go out "knowing" what you want in your next successful relationship. You have to learn to be able to say " I deserve better" & keep the trama drama out of your life. We live one life so do yourself a favor & change the things that you are able to change!

    onespecialmom

    Answer by onespecialmom at 8:44 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

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