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What should i do? PLEASE HELP

i've never had someone love me so much, but treat me so husband is one of the most kind, generous people.but the way he treats me and talks to me is outrageous.i just had a baby a few months ago, so i'm not working right now.lately,when we have fights..he holds things over my head saying things like.."i go to work, i make the money"or"i paid for this" and he thinks that i just sit at home all day and do nothing.he doesnt think that taking care of the baby and things aroundthe house is work. he doesnt even acknowledge it. He can say the most hurtful things to me, yet i keep going back to him.and it seems like whenever i threaten to leave him, instead of trying to make me stay, he threatens to hurt someone and go to jail if i leave.i love him, and can see the good in him but this behavior isn't changing and i dont know if im supposed to just hope that it will change, or just keep dealing with it. what can i do?

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:00 PM on Jan. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Is this all new behavior since the baby was born? He may be totally stressed out and acting out because of the stress of supporting his family. That can be overwhelming. But if he is like this all the time and it goes back further than that....I don't know.

    Answer by BJoan at 8:03 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • If he is threatening physical harm to people if you leave, then it is abuse. Even if he doesn't hit you physically, he is using fear to control you. You need to get out!

    Answer by Jazak at 8:03 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • Leave now to separate first then second get into counselling for yourself and do not go back to him unless he goes into counselling too. If he's as good as you hope he is he'll do right by you seeing how his attitude has affected you. if he is a sob then you've gotten what you deserve - rid of him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:10 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • I'm sorry but it's not love if he's threatening to harm other people to keep you. What are you going to do when he's holding your child and says if you don't... I'll hurt the baby?
    When he goes to work, leave if you really want to leave. Call the police and ask them what you can do because of his threats, that you don't want it on your conscience if he does hurt someone (most don't but women stay because they dont' want to take the chance). I think that's called a terroristic threat now, it's illegal and he's obsessed with you if he's willing to hurt someone to get to keep you.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:13 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • Whether a control issue or stress and I agree with both it still does not make it ok. you have to stand up and decide I am not going to be degraded or disrespected. The fact you are not working is not a means for verbal abuse. If you cant talk to him about how youre feeling then it may be more going on. At any rate you dont deserve the verbal abuse. My friend was in the same situation but it was physical abuse, she kept staying trying to make it work until one day he literally knocked the crap out of her and she flew across the floor. At some point you will get tired and do whats in your heart to move on. Dont let anyone steal your joy, degrade or disrespect you. You are his wife!!!! Let that be known.

    Answer by VaDivaMom at 8:13 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • He is probably just stressed out. I say you just don't take care of the house for like a week and only take care of your child's needs, don't cook, clean, or do your makeup. If he bitches then just tell him that if in his eyes you do nothing then why should you waste your time. I probably didn't word this correctly but I hope you get what I mean.

    Answer by Peekalou at 8:14 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • i agree hes probably stressed about money and doesn't realize what you do. this happened to my friend and she went back to work for one day and left the new baby with her husband and when she got home he said he couldnt believe how he couldnt get anything done, and after that he never said anything about it again and even offers to help now.

    Answer by amygrace419 at 8:18 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • Threats like this are abuse. It is time to leave. Find a place to stay, get all the money that you can into a bank account in your own name. Perhaps a minister or doctor could get you started on what you need to do. Or call social services. This is a very unhealthy situation and you need to get out.

    Answer by Bmat at 8:22 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • Jazak said exactly what I was gonna say.... if he is threatening you... physically, emotional, whatever, it is abuse, and you need to leave him before it becomes physical. If you need to call someone, a family member, or even the police to get out of that situation, then by all means do what you have to do, but be careful and good luck.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 8:30 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • I agree with Jazak too. My ex used to threaten my family when I said I wanted out of the relationship. He later just beat the crap out of me. It is a type of abuse, and needs to be addressed asap.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

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