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Asking for more contact

I was thinking about giving the Aparents my e-mail address and asking if they would like to open an email account to be able to correspond easier. For the past 10 yrs. it's been through the agency (about once a year) and I find it a bit of a hassle. I was wondering what other Aparents thought about it. When the adoption took place the internet wasn't as prevelent and I didn't even have a computer. I'm just worried that they'll say no because it wasn't part of the original agreement. I guess I'm just aftaid of being rejected, but I've been thinking about it for awhile and maybe they would like more communication but don't want to ask me.....I don't know???

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:58 PM on Jan. 5, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (13)
  • put it on the table all they can do is say no and yeah maybe they are thinking the samething and dont know what you will say. the only thing holding u back is u. good luck hope it all works out

    Answer by Wyattsmom205 at 10:01 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • I'm an a-mom and I say "Go for it!" You won't know till you ask. And as the other poster said, maybe the a-parents feel the same way and just haven't brought it up.

    Best of luck - I hope they are open to the idea. :o)

    Answer by blessed3times at 10:07 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • I'm adopting in February and I think it's a fine idea. Good luck!

    Answer by Jill42721 at 10:27 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • I'm an AMom and I think there would be no problem in you making the suggestion. I've done both with my DD's BMom and I have to say, e-mail is so much easier. The worst they can do is say "no" and just continue with the way it's been done, right? Give it a shot...good luck!! :-)

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 10:36 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • As an Amom WE suggested it. Too bad she didn't follow through...again. We just gave up trying to contact her first.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:53 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • My child's amom asked for my email address a few years ago. I gave it to her. Too bad she never used it.

    Answer by lisa89j at 12:35 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Personally, I'd ask to do this- JUST to take it out of the hands of the agency and Social Workers!!

    WHY do they feel a need to arrange and manage your contacts between each other? From experience, its humiliating to be an involuntary social work client. Here's hoping your AP's feel they don't need supervision of (yours or their) own personal affairs, contacts and communications.

    Answer by adopteeme at 3:29 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I would absolutely ask. I can't imagine they are any more comfortable going through a third party than you are, and that would certainly make things easier. The worst they can say is no, and I wouldn't stress too much over that. It's worth a shot.

    Answer by adoptionsc at 8:21 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • You never know useless you ask. No harm in it. I personally would present it like I would like to continue with the same level of contact but without the agency. I would say that over the years that you have come to trust that they are not going to interfere in your life in any inappropriate way and you don't need the agency to protect your interests anymore. Then see what they think. Put it on you. This way they can say yes or no. They may still feel more comfortable with the agency being the middle people. They may always feel more comfortable. How you ask means everything. I think you have the right to ask. But also be prepared that they may say they want to continue with going through the agency. People, in general, are afraid of change. It is not a reflection on you - just that we are not that flexible in general


    Answer by frogdawg at 8:44 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • OP- I thought I would just include my e-mail in a letter and ask if they would like to communicate that way since it wasn't really an option at the time of the adoption. Is it too forward to include the e-mail address before getting an answer from them?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

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