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Am I in the wrong for wanting some attention over my pregnancy? Read on this is a sticky situation.

My sister-in-law and I are the same ripe age of 30. Both of us have been told by our physicians that we cannot concieve. She has had cancer since the age of three, my reason was endometriosis.

Both of us found out that we were pregnant in January and due at the same time. I miscarried in Feb, and she was pregnant with twins and lost her babies when they were 22 weeks old. I am now pregnant again and everything is going really well. IWe had a family get together ast weekend and my family banned the talk of any pregnancy or babies for the sake of my grieving sister-in-law. I live far away fron my family and see them only a few times a year. I feel awful that I did not even get to talk about my pregnancy and I feel awful that I feel like I am entitled to the attention while she is grieving.

What to do?

Answer Question
 
girlneffy

Asked by girlneffy at 12:25 PM on Jul. 16, 2008 in Pregnancy

Level 3 (27 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Well I think that you need to be sensitive to her lose but I think it is totally exceptable to talk about your pregnancy in front of her. She is the one who has to deal with her loss. With everyone on eggshells about the topic might make things harder on her anyway. I can relate to this because I have family who cannot have babies and misscarried a few times and in the time they have been trying I have had 3 healthy kids and not 1 misscariage I am very blessed. Hope everything goes well for you.
    MommyMel03

    Answer by MommyMel03 at 12:39 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • I agree that this may be a difficult situation for you to be in. Every woman wants attention during this special time in their lives. I also understand how hard it is for your sister. She has to gte counseling to overcome her issues of losing the babies. I think that until she deals with the loss in a counseling setting, her grief may take longer to overcome. Good luck to you and your family.
    SexiFala

    Answer by SexiFala at 12:59 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • I am so sorry for your sister, I do belive that you need to be able to celebrate though. I think if anything everyone should be so happy that you were able to conceive and thhat there will be a baby around.
    I know it is horrible for you sister in law, but you are still pregnant. DO not feel guilty. Do not feel like you need to cover it up. rejoice and be happy. Love you sister in law, and your family and respect that, however you have joy inside of you. YOu have a baby
    bluesubaru

    Answer by bluesubaru at 1:05 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • I understand she's in her time of loss, but this is your time of gain. She needs to deal with it, and I agree with SexiFala, she needs counseling if it's taking too long. It must hard loosing a little one after 22 weeks. Enjoy your pregnancy, what's going to happend in the babyshower? If people act weird around her, they may actually be making matters worse.
    Little_Maria

    Answer by Little_Maria at 1:06 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • I would talk to your SIL. See how she feels about the situation, and let her know how you feel. This shouldn't be something you two need to be separated by. You've both experienced loss. Your family should let you celebrate your pregnancy. *hugs* Tough situation to be in.
    CreativeSpirit

    Answer by CreativeSpirit at 1:38 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • Who banned it?? You BOTH lost babies, you should be able to talk about this. When you visit, why not get in the car alone with her and go for ice cream or something? Away from everyone else. I hated when people stopped talking about my mom after she died. I sure didn't forget about her. I wanted to talk about it.
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 3:52 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • you need to understand how hard it is for her to see babies. she needs to understand how it is impossible for you to not be excitedl nda your family needs to get a clue. id' call her adn tell her i dont want to hurt you needlessly so how do you wnat me to handle this. my sister-cousin went through this. they tried for 20 years only to mc when she finally got pregnant. she can't hide from all babies.
    and you have to be able to celebrate your children. i think that there has to be a medium ground there.
    congratulations.
    princezzmommie

    Answer by princezzmommie at 11:06 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

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