Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

MIL advice please

Alright so...my MIL is driving everyone nuts. She is under the care of a shrink but mixes all kinds of pills and alcohol. My SIL has 2 boys and doesn't allow her to babysit or anything, though she can visit if supervised. We have 1 baby boy and try our best NEVER to let her see him. The only reasn my SIL lets her see the two boys is that she feels sorry for her and she only is allowed there if her husband is home. Lately she's been trying to get several hundred dollars from all of us when no one has it. She has been causing all kinds of troubles. She calls and calls, sometimes 15 times in a row, and then shows up and bangs on the doors and windows sometimes 20 minutes. She only calls for 3 things - to whine and gripe at us, to ask for money and our son, or to cuss us out.
We tried letting her visit and get to know DS. But she plays too roughly (as in bounces him until he vomits and me and her got into it b/c she (cont)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:44 PM on Jan. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • cont) shook him b/c he wouldn't play. (Thank God he's ok). She called and wanted to come over and DH said she couldn't as we were at the store - so she showed up at the store, snuck up, and tried to take DS out of the cart around my DH. BAD idea. So when she left she yelled over her shoulders that she wasn't getting us Christmas presents and humilated us. People walked us to our car that we didn't know just in case. She follows us and when we visit my parents she watches until we leave and then calls the police to have us pulled over and every time they say they got a report we didn't put DS in a carseat. Every time he's locked in and bundled up. (cont)

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • (cont) She disrespects us, lies to us, abused her own kids and allowed them to be abused, drinks and drives, and we don't trust her. I am actually afraid of her because she's trigger happy (enough she shot at her own sons before) and we feel she's stalking us. We have reported her to the school board b/c she's a bus driver but they said they couldn't even drug test her despite her having had an accident already in 2 months of driving. The cops say they can't do anything b/c she hasn't hurt us so we can't get a restraining order and since she's under a shrink's care the court says we pretty much have to deal with it. We've explained to her again and again our rules and why we feel as we do (won't let her take our son out of state or to known druggies homes, let him spend the night, etc, and she hates us for it and makes sure we know it). (cont - once more)



    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • (last cont!) She even has said things like: "I don't care about them. I want that baby." And everyone brushes it off but we don't trust her not to try and hurt us. She has done some insane things, even getting into a fight with us in a restaurant b/c we wouldn't let her give our son chicken bones (we thought she'd be ok in a public place; this was before the store incident.)

    Any advice as to how to possibly make her listen? We are out of ideas.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 PM on Jan. 5, 2009

  • Hummmm? I would be afraid of her too. Maybe the family could get together and do some sort of intervention for alcoholics. I'm sure that Alcoholics Anonymous would be of some help. Do a search and find the one in your area. It sounds also like you have enough to go on to be in fear for your children life with her drinking and driving, so I would really consider a restraining order if you want to go that route. It will piss her off, but it will also give her a wake up call. Can your local victims assistant program and they should be able to give you some help. Please don't let this person victimize the family anymore, because that is what she is doing. You need to think about the children well being. Your MIL needs to think about how she wants the children to remember her as. I'm sorry you have to go though all this. Take one day at a time, Lizy :)
    Boognuts

    Answer by Boognuts at 12:15 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • The cops would do nothing????? That's stalking it can be a crime especially if she tried to steal your son from the cart thats attemptive kidnapping. I have a crazy MIL, but not this crazy, but for mine to stop being hateful to me my fiancee had to do what he thought he would never do in his life to his mom. He chewed her out so bad that it left her in tears, but it sounds like your MIL doesn't even care about her own kids. Sorry girl I don't know because I would think the cops would do something, I'd go down to the station again and talk to the chief or something
    HollyRose

    Answer by HollyRose at 12:20 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • If you know who her doctor is ....Call them and advise them of her actions and behavior. She is in need of help. She is risking her life and possibly others also.You cannot rationalize or communicate with someone who is ill and by the actions that you have described here....she is ill. Don't stop there...Contact an attorney. They will help you with your rights. Document all of the events with dates, times and witnesses. You will need this evidence to obtain a restraining order...which you need.
    MommasCooCoo

    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 12:21 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Go to court file an afidavit for temp restraining order. THEY CAN NOT DENY YOU!

    You tell them I fear for my life, my husband's life and worst of all my child's life. I am NOT leaving here until you get me a restraining order.

    They will get you one. My husband and I had a restraing order put on his son's mother and all she was doing was 1 calling us at 4am almost every other day, 2. calling the cops on us and sending them to our home saying we had a gun and were yelling and screaming and she feared for the child's life who lived there (we had custody of her son at the time before we gave him to her...long story) when she lived more then 40 minutes away if we had been yelling which we were not, how could she have heard it... She's a psycho. con't...
    Happ-eToBme

    Answer by Happ-eToBme at 12:28 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Con't...
    Anyway, we went in they gave us a temp restraining order for a month she never showed up for the court date so they exstended it and we had it for 4 yr.s until we gave him to her because she was ruining all our lives and no one was helping my step son with his issues, CPS told us the best way to get him help was to allow him to go live with his mother because since she was so screwed in the head they would have to provide him help. So after 4 yr.s we let him go live with her. Now he and she have to see 4 shrinks a week. Anyway, the point is she was doing much less to us then your mother in law so argue, complain and fight until they give it to you and they will HAVE to get you what you need. Don't stop complaining until they listen.
    Happ-eToBme

    Answer by Happ-eToBme at 12:28 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I agree with Happ-eToBme. dont stop until something happends or someone listens, ya know I read on here all the time about MILs and how their this and that but seriously this one takes the cake by far
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 1:11 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN