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3 Bumps

Step daughters mom

My step daughter has been living with us since she was 9. Her mother was always bouncing in and out of her life, always putting her boyfriends, partying, alcohol and drugs before her daughter. Her mother used to abuse her physically and mentally. She even let one of her boyfriends molest my step daughter and she turned a blind eye to it.

Now my step daughter is 20, and her mom is calling her and hounding her to try to have a relationship with her. My step daughter tells her mother I don't want a relationship with you, and honestly I don't blame my step daughter at all. Advice and opinions are appreciated.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Oct. 24, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • Well, she is an adult and if she wants no relationship with her, then this question is mute. She can block her number or whatever,, just keep supporting her and she is 100% right.

    Answer by kimigogo at 1:02 PM on Oct. 24, 2011

  • Forgiveness.... because bitterness is the only poison we drink hoping the oth person will die. That's all I'm gonna say.

    Answer by mrs.cta1217 at 1:08 PM on Oct. 24, 2011

  • Cta she has gotten over what her mother has done, but she doesn't want her mom in her life. her choice and I can't say I blame her

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:11 PM on Oct. 24, 2011

  • Your sd needs to handle this herself. There is a big hole in her that can only be filled by that woman, no matter what mistakes she made. And maybe it can't be filled by her mom, if her mom isn't capable. But I have always encouraged my sd to have a good relationship with her mom, b/c it's her mom. Her mom didn't allow molestation, but was a POS mom none the less.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 1:12 PM on Oct. 24, 2011

  • jackie I will not encourage a relationship w/ sd and her mother when there was molestation involved. I support my sd's decision

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:13 PM on Oct. 24, 2011

  • So what's the question?

    Answer by Brawnwyn at 1:22 PM on Oct. 24, 2011

  • the question is pretty much should she have a relationship with her mother

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:23 PM on Oct. 24, 2011

  • I think it's fine for you to support your SD through this, but let her handle it herself. She is an adult and needs to work out the boundaries of her adult relationship with her mother between the two of them.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 1:23 PM on Oct. 24, 2011

  • My step mom came into my life when I was 4. Same situation my mom is loser, still is. I lvoe my step mom, she IS my mom. God has definitely blessed me with my step mom : )

    I've tried having a relationship with my biological mom, it won't work it doesn't work for me. She might have given birth to me but she's not my mom, never will be. I was molested as well, I witnessed things I should have never witnessed because of her, I saw her do drugs, heck I woke up on the same bed as her because she was having sex. I don't agree with Jackie... i thought there was a hole in my heart because my mom never truly loved me, but my step mom filled that hole, and I am so blessed to have her.

    Answer by WeLuvOurNUGGET at 1:24 PM on Oct. 24, 2011

  • nugget- she doesn't even want to have a relationship with her mother, she has forgiven her for all the things that she has done and let happen but she doesn't want her in her life, and I cannot blame her. She looks at me as her mom, and shes my daughter. my step daughter doesn't even look at her biomom as her mom. And she doesn't have a hole in her heart. She is happy her mom isn't in her life. Her mom just won't stop trying to get in touch with her.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:31 PM on Oct. 24, 2011

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