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I don't want to sleep with my husband

Here's the thing. I was molested alot as a kid and don't like, GROPING, because of it.
My first husband understood this and would simply hold me. I loved him for it and it would ultimately lead to more intimacy.
I have told my 2nd husband my problem with "GROPING", yet when he holds me at night he can't just hold me! How do I explain to him that "just holding" me will get him lucky much quiker then the "GROPING" will? I do tell him and he thinks he's just being himself and I shouldn't be offended. Is he just an ass that can't be helped?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:19 AM on Jan. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • I don't think he's an ass I just don't think he truly understands the severity of your past. My story is almost identical to yours. My husband understands now and is very careful with me, but its still hard to have sex with him. Maybe you could try counseling together:) Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • He should respect that. Slip-ups are ok, but he should understand. This is something that may never go away, I was raped 8 years ago & dh still can not wake me up by "playing" with me or laying on me. I go into full freak-out mode & obliverate any thoughts he had (lol) Does your husband know this? Have you actually sat him down & told him? Let him know you're not being cold, that this is genuine psychological torment, and it brings back bad memories.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:24 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I do that too anon 12:24. He gets pissy all day long because of it. Yes I do explain it and he says he "gets it"..Doesn't stop him from trying. He's always going for a breast! I want to be able to have him treat me the way my 1st hubby did without saying.. " my ex got lucky alot more by not gropping and by being more loving"...Why don't alot of men get the fact that tenderness goes farther then grabbing?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I know what you mean by that because was done the same way when I was a kid too I don't know because I'm having the same problem too I tell mine the same thing and he think that i was being funny so I don't know do what you have to do ok good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:51 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

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