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Does this seem odd to you?

I am begining to question whether or not DH is cheating. He always seem real distant and if I ask him if everything is okay he snaps my head off. Yesterday when he was on his way home from work he sounded tired and when I asked him if he was tired too he said "No, I just dont feel like talking". He usually hangs with friends on Sundays to play a minitures game but now he is staying gone longer than usual. He sometimes leaves for work 15 minutes earlier. Am I being paranoid? I cheated on him four years ago and I acted this way towards him when I was involved in that affair. Could he be having an emotional affair? I just feel like something isnt right.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:01 AM on Jan. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Do you smother him?
    Do you give him his space?
    Maybe he just needs his time to himself with something he likes to do, but just bc you did this does not mean he is. Just relax give him time and space, he will come around but if too much time has gone by you might want to ask questions but not yet. Leave him alone for now, eventually it will all come out in the wash if he is cheating but I don't think so. GL

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 10:05 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Well, you know how men are and talking about things. Maybe he just has the winter blues. It really can affect your mood. Maybe he has a lot on his mind. My husband gets that way sometimes when he's worried about stuff at work and such. And when i try to get him to talk about it he says he doesn't want to because it just makes him think about it more!

    Answer by GMR at 10:06 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I dont smother him at all. I am on a bowling league that I go to every other Saturday. Whenever I go he is always trying to push the kids with me. And then when he meets me for dinner he is real stand offish (sp). Its like everytime he has time alone (every other Saturday, every Sunday and occasional nights through out the week) he is really rude towards me and picks a fight. I really do hope that its just him needing more space or something

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • The only way to find out if he is is to get your investigatinghat on. Check his e-mail,cell phone. Follow him to work, and on weekends. Or hire a PI to track him.


    Answer by louise2 at 10:11 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • It doesnt sound like hes having an affair but does sound like there is a problem somewhere. More then likely because you cheated you are automatically jumping to that scenerio. Its how our minds work. I would just make a list and sit down and discuss what is bothering you and see what solutions he has in mind and give him a chance to discuss what might be bothering him too. Men arent big talkers though so he might not answer right away so dont get mad. If you cannot come to an agreement or discuss it you might try a marriage counselor. They act as mediators and can bring information to light we might otherwise bury.

    Answer by gemgem at 10:23 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I don't necessarily think that he is cheating but maybe having a midlife crisis? People deal with them differently and maybe he doesn't want to discuss it b/c he feels silly about the way that he is feeling. As far as checking e-mails and cell phones or hiring a p.i. I am a firm believer that if you feel the need to do any of those things then the marriage is already over b/c you already know the answer to your own ? and are just trying to obtain proof.

    Answer by micrespo at 10:50 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Question... does he know you had that affair? If he doesn't know, it may be your guilt haunting you. However, if things continue to stay this way, then I would just investigate.

    Answer by girlletmetellu at 11:12 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Yes he does know about the affair I had.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 AM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • You said in your Post you think he is having an affair. Now you say you think it's a midlife crisis.

    Witch one is it? You need to just stand back and give the guy some room. You will find out what's up with him eventually.  If you just sit back and wait he will tell you what's up with him.


    Answer by louise2 at 1:22 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Maybe he is still dealing with the memory of the affair. Men tend to bottle things up and act mad when they are hurt anyways. Plus you will always think hes cheating first b/c you were once the cheater. Have you gone through marriage couseling.. he could be very bitter about it. It doesnt just go away. Sometimes men dont know how to communicate their feelings to us anyways. Anytime my dh is worried or mad about money or people at work he can tend to be that way towards me. Maybe hes super busy at work or worried about Fianances.If he was having an affair he might actually ACT happier! Good luck to you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

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